From the author: No matter how strong the love is, and no matter how strong your relationship may seem, you and your future spouse are still not one. And someday your personal interests may diverge, or even collide. How to avoid pitfalls and learn to resolve many controversial issues that arise during your life together 1. What should be negotiated in a relationship, and what can be chalked up to “falling in love”? 2. At what point should we start negotiating? 3. Are there milestones after which agreements need to be reviewed? If they exist, which ones?4. How to do this so as not to offend the other half? Let's try together to look for answers to these questions. One of the pitfalls of starting a life together is that young people come from different families, each of which has its own traditions and habits. And to them this order of things seems to be the only correct one. The young husband and wife begin to reproduce the way the fathers and mothers behaved in their own families. This mainly affects everyday “little things”: how they are used to storing and managing money, how they treat other relatives and friends in the family, how they are used to spending their free time and how autonomous they are in relation to each other. Quite a few young couples have come to me for whom these very questions have become a “stumbling block” in a happy life together. Therefore, when planning your life together, it would be good to share your “fantasies” of how you imagine it. Just sit down together and dream about how you will spend this or that day of your life together: weekday, weekend, on vacation, visiting your parents, when guests come to you, etc. Oh, yes - another day of “payday”And here many details may become clear to which you did not attach importance before. For example, that in one family they love guests so much that life turns into a continuous holiday and people constantly live in the house for a week, and then for a couple of months, close and distant relatives and friends of friends, in your family it has always been believed that “time for business is time for fun.” Or in the family of one of the young people, the mother managed the money and everyone gave the money to her, while in the other, everyone had their own money, and “shared” as much as necessary for common expenses. It is also important that the newlyweds’ idea of ​​personal space coincide. Should we spend all our time only together or can we have different friends and hobbies? Are all the things in the house shared or can you have your own favorite mug and no one else will encroach on it? It seems like little things, but they are the ones that often lead to the union falling apart. Therefore, it is worth discussing such discrepancies as soon as they appear. Don’t expect your partner to change according to your expectations, especially if you don’t even voice them. Moreover, it will take a long time a hushed conflict tends to come back to haunt you at the most unexpected moments and cause more negative emotions than the situation deserves. How can you say that you don’t like something without offending your partner? Start with your feelings and wishes in a specific situation . You shouldn’t immediately scold your partner because he didn’t understand, didn’t catch, didn’t guess what you would like. He can't read minds. For example, you can start like this: You know, when you don't pay attention to what I cooked and don't say thank you, it seems to me that you don't care whether I cook or not. I'm very upset because I really want to please you. I would like you to express your opinion about the prepared food and say thank you. Sounds a little literary? But this is better than: What a bastard you are, after all! I cook, cook, and you don’t care! You just don’t love me! In the first option, the situation is assessed, not the person, feelings are spoken about and a wish is expressed about what you would like to change. In the second: a lot of emotions, personal insults and far-reaching conclusions. Not conducive to maintaining relationships. Of course, it’s up to you to choose which option you prefer. Sometimes a good fight is a harbinger of equally good sex and.