From the author: Many interesting articles about psychology and sexology on the site My ex-girlfriend made three attempts to find herself a psychologist - all three not only failed miserably, but also traumatized her so deeply, that she hated all the psychologists in the world and even broke off our relationship with her due to the fact that I am a representative of this “ungodly profession.” So she was not lucky enough to turn to charlatans three times in a row - yes, to certified psychologists, yes, with offices in the center of Moscow, the walls of which are hung with certificates, yes, with reviews and recommendations - but essentially to charlatan murderers. For some reason, her first psychologist decided that he was an expert in provocation. No, he did not study provocative psychotherapy from Farrelly and his students - he simply decided that if he was rude to the client and hit the client’s sore spot with his fist in a big way (from the fifth minute of the first session), this would lead to an explosion of awareness and magical healing. My friend turned to him with a problem: she felt outwardly unattractive to men. At the fifth minute, he told her that she really wasn’t attractive and that he, as a man, really didn’t like her at all. Yes, I know that such intervention methods exist, but it is not appropriate to apply them to every client and subject to a number of conditions: for example, it is recommended to mention provocative psychotherapy in your information about yourself as one of your methods, so that the client goes exactly the one that is acceptable similar approaches (today’s clients have an understanding of the main directions of psychology and are good friends with Google). It is also appropriate to use such techniques after establishing rapport with the client, after establishing a therapeutic alliance and a trusting relationship. And when it happens like this, like a slap in the face, and even to a client who is absolutely not created for such approaches, when additional traumatization occurs, I believe that such a psychologist is not even a charlatan, but a criminal. My friend is no longer interested in this “specialist” went. After a prolonged depression, she made a second attempt to find herself a psychologist. As in the first case - a good diploma, a good website, good articles on the website and in magazines, good reviews on forums. However, this lady in fact turned out to be a soul-lover and a cannibal. For some reason she decided that she could and knew how to use sociometry in group work. Moreno would be turning over in his grave if he knew how his brilliant designs turned into a way to drive the last couple of nails into the coffin of a client's mental health. They were playing a game. It was necessary to choose who to push out of the balloon so that there was no advantage. The psychologist suggested pushing my friend out. The group agreed. The psychologist asked the group to surround my friend and start pushing her like a hot potato to each other, simulating being pushed out of a balloon. My friend is petite, fragile and small; everyone enjoyed pushing and throwing her around. So sociometry turned into organized sadism. From the horror of everything that was happening, my friend had some kind of attack - her legs gave way and convulsions began. Instead of calling an ambulance, the psychologist asked a man from the group to drag her to a corner and put her there on a rubber mat so that she could somehow come to her senses. Barely alive, the next day she called me and asked my opinion about such an activity. At that time, I was in my first year of psychology and, not feeling so competent, timidly expressed that I would not take such classes. My friend said she doesn't intend to. When this psychologist called her and invited her to the next group, the heroine of our story refused and for some reason blurted out that her friend Nastya was studying to become a psychologist. Then the voice on the phone said that, apparently, Nastya advised against it - and asked me to tell Nastya (i.e., me) that “she will marry a goat” (literally so). I really remember this lady in a balloon whenI tell my students sometimes instructive, sometimes scary, sometimes funny stories about ghoul psychologists. The third psychologist in my friend’s story was more harmless, but no less stupid. My friend had specific problems and specific requests for solutions to them - and the old man, for a lot of money, endlessly talked about how awareness, integrity, ergicity would increase... My friend did not need ergicity - she needed marriage and a child. For some reason, if a dentist starts talking about being ergic instead of pulling out a bad tooth, this will outrage everyone, but if a psychologist does the same thing, then it seems normal. As a result of her 3 attempts to find a therapist, my friend realized that with these people who call themselves psychologists, that something was seriously wrong, that in essence they were scammers profiting from other people’s misfortunes, she broke off all relations with her friends, acquaintances and acquaintances who had the misfortune of being in this terrible profession. So, history is history, well, The girl was unlucky. If not for one “but”. My clients, some with laughter, some with indignation, also tell me about their previous attempts to find a psychologist. And the stories are all so similar! It’s about ergicity, and about the fact that after 10 years of therapy awareness will increase, and about the distortion of good methods beyond recognition and the exact opposite of their meaning, and about esoteric psychologists who, in addition to therapy, will also play cards and spoil will be filmed, and about provocation, which in inept hands turns into ordinary rudeness, and about gestalt, which is no longer a gestalt (it’s good that Perls doesn’t see what kind of monster his brainchild has degenerated into), and about psychodrama, in which elementary commandments are not observed , conveyed by the founding father in textbooks, precisely written so that the methodology would not be mutilated, and about psychoanalysts who, within a year, snatched a correspondence diploma from the Eastern European School, and that was the end of their psychoanalytic education. Many ghouls got divorced... Are there any good psychologists? Certainly! And there are quite a few of them! I know many professionals to whom I would personally go if necessary, and I confidently refer my friends and acquaintances, observing the commandment “not to treat your own.” But how can a person who is not involved in the field of psychology, who has not studied it from the inside, find exactly these people, and not ghouls? For all my readers, friends, acquaintances, I have compiled a memo. Instead of repeating the same thing, I will now simply provide a link to my article. So... 7 commandments of finding a psychologist: Before you make an appointment, find out what the therapy leads to. Where will this specialist take you? Towards your specific goal or to some abstract philosophical goal? And match this direction with your request. If you are afraid to fly on a plane, but passionately want to see the world, and they tell you about mindfulness, think about whether this is the right therapist, thanks to working together with whom you will be able to board a plane and fly wherever your heart desires. I'm not saying this one or not that one. I say ask and think. Before you make an appointment, find out how long the therapy will last. Yes, no one can say for sure. But they will give you a rough idea based on your request. Match the therapist's answer with your request. If they tell you about ten years of therapy, and you have panic attacks that turn your life into hell, are you ready to endure it for another 10 years? If, on the contrary, they tell you about “a couple of sessions,” that’s also strange. It is hardly possible to solve a more or less serious problem in a couple of sessions. The actual time frame that my sane colleagues voice: from several months to a year. If a psychologist during the first telephone conversation either ingratiates himself, clings to the lapel of his jacket, or, conversely, speaks arrogantly and rudely, this is a reason to think. A sane psychologist talks to the client in essence: time, price, address of the office, other conditions. Calm, friendly, to the point. And he calmly reacts to the client’s words about what he needs to think about. If a psychologist asks you, be sure tocall back, even if you change your mind, if he tells you that he will adapt to your schedule, your financial capabilities and your other circumstances - this is a reason to think about whether you need a therapist whose, apparently, you will be the only client. Before that, how to make an appointment, ask the therapist in which area of ​​psychology he works. And Google it a bit. Each direction has its own characteristics and its own character. Therefore, for some of us, physical therapy will go well, for some it is close to dancing the problem, for some it is interesting to tell dreams, and for others art therapy is suitable. It is important to decide on your areas of interest and go to a therapist who works in them. For example, psychoanalysis, transactional analysis, and behavioral therapy are completely contraindicated for me—but TDT, art therapy, transpersonal therapy, neuroprogramming, and psychodrama in J. Moreno’s version seem to have been created specifically for me. Decide what is close to you and what is alien. And listen to what the therapist has to say. If he works in several directions, this is normal, but if there are dozens of them, this is doubtful (assume that on average it takes 3-4 years to master one direction of psychology). Before making an appointment, find out whether he has passed the therapist is personal therapy and whether he undergoes supervision (does he have mentors with whom he can consult). It is important both what the therapist will answer and HOW he will answer it. If he arrogantly tells you that he has no problems and sarcastically asks why you are asking such strange questions, it’s a reason to think about why he gets so emotional about a rather simple question. The best option is if they tell you, calmly and friendly, but without boasting and narcissism, that yes, there was personal therapy. And supervision happens if there is a need to discuss something with a colleague. During the first telephone conversation, pay attention to how they generally talk to you. If they listen obediently, spending a lot of their time on you for free, that’s strange. If they interrupt, cut off mid-sentence, don’t even allow you to finish a sentence – it’s strange (Do you like this attitude?). If they start “psychotherapy” right away, it’s strange (you’re not a client yet). The normal option is to briefly and to the point, they will answer your few questions in a friendly manner and voice working issues (time, price, address, conditions for canceling or rescheduling a session, being late). Forget about diplomas, websites, titles, regalia, certificates and reviews about the psychologist on his website. A diploma in psychology is a popular commodity today, 20 thousand rubles - and you are great and omnipotent. Certificates are photoshopped in five minutes. A psychologist-sexologist friend of mine once told me: “Why should I study sexology somewhere? I'm a good lover - that's my science. And a certificate from some universal organization of the best sexologists in the world has already been photoshopped for me, and I have already posted it on the website.” The same is true with supposed reviews from supposed clients. A psychologist friend of mine recently criticized me and gave me advice: “Nastya! You urgently need to post reviews! On the freelance website, you can quickly find copywriters who will write a short, laudatory review for 100 rubles. If you want 50 reviews about your crazy professionalism - 5000 and one day.” Be aware that clients are being played like suckers. Among themselves they are called “breadwinners.” And for the “breadwinners” unscrupulous psychologists are fighting, in which all means are good. Your task as a client is to be alert and trust only yourself: ask questions, analyze the answers (what and how they say), analyze the very manner of communication with you and listen to your feelings (if you feel discomfort from communication or just some vague feeling of “what “it’s not that you don’t like something” - pay attention to these indicators: perhaps it is your intuition that tells you that this therapist is not suitable for you). I draw your attention to the fact that the intention of the article is to help, if possible, people who are in looking for a psychologist, without losing money, time, energy and mental health