In life, a dispute often arises - who chooses whom? A man is a woman or a woman is a man. Oh, how it often seems to us in our souls, That we, men, rule, decide. No! We choose only those women who have already chosen us (N. Dorizo) The less we love a woman, the more she likes us. (Pushkin) Yes, perhaps, humanity has been asking this question for a long time. Who chooses whom and what determines this choice? What influences it and how to manage this process? In the Turkish hinterland (mainly in villages) there is the following custom of matchmaking. A bride wishing to get married (or her parents wishing to marry her off) places a jug on the roof of the house (roofs in Turkey are usually flat). The surrounding grooms, having seen the jug and secured the consent of their parents, go to the bride’s house in the company of a male relative (usually an uncle - almost everyone has them, since most families in rural areas have large families). Entering the house, some conversation starts about trifles (not about the purpose of the visit). During the chat, guests are served coffee, which is prepared by the bride herself. If the coffee is sweet, it means “yes”, the bride agrees to marry this groom, if it is bitter (i.e. without sugar), then “no”. Accordingly, the groom and matchmakers immediately taste the coffee (without any discussion of the very subject of the visit) and understand everything. How can this be interpreted from an ethological point of view? A jug and coffee are, of course, a signaling system (like mating songs in birds, the blooming of feathers in a peacock, certain smells). But I see that the roots of this custom lie somewhat deeper. Well, they came up with it in a competent way, without offense, without scandals, and most importantly, in an honest and simple way. And they also say that backward people live in the outback. In my opinion, this custom is an excellent model, one might say, a standard of how the choice of a partner should occur in our modern society. And whoever is closest in his matrimonial aspirations to this model receives a greater prize than others. How can this custom be transferred to our, so to speak, the rails of modernity, our realities. Often, when a girl is asked: “Why do you wear makeup?”, the usual answer is “For myself.” Yeah, for myself. It would be interesting if they asked a girl from that outback, “Why did you put the jug on the roof?” she would also say: “For myself.” Actually, yes, find a husband for yourself. So girls need to understand why they preen and dress up in the morning, before going out. They are the ones who place the jug on the roof of their house so that potential suitors will notice it. And the more of them (grooms) there are, that is, the more grooms see their jug, the wider their opportunities will be to select candidates for their hand and heart. Which will ultimately allow them to make a better choice. Agree that a wide range of “choose what you want” is preferable for most people to a narrow “take what they give”. Although, of course, more choice may lead some to the situation of Buridan's ass, but I am still for choice. Well, what about the guys? Well, our guys have much more problems than the guys from the above example, where everything is simple and clear. They either don't see this jug because they don't know about it, or they don't know where to look. And it happens that other objects are often mistaken for a jug, which girls, unfamiliar with this simple rule, who, as it were, no longer need suitors, since they have a husband and children, often scatter them in abundance on their “roof”. Girls, if you are not making new plans for your next marriage, having already had one at the moment, do not lead poor men into temptation, they don’t know whether the girl is single or not. And then do not be indignant at the “impudent pestering” of you, a married lady, since perhaps your “jug” is displayed on the “roof” of your house. In all cultures, during a wedding, a woman specifically discards seductive qualities: Russians tie a scarf and hide their hair , some have their hair shaved off, others are given robes. The essence of these actions is to reduce sexual attractiveness and give a clear sign