Often family life breaks down, followed by divorce. And many families going through this stage have children. How to prepare a child for the fact that mom and dad will no longer live together? What can it lead to? The circumstances of divorce are different, the reasons are different, but be that as it may, it is impossible to completely protect a child from psychological pain during a divorce. Divorce is the destruction of his world; the child will have to survive the loss of one of the parents (this is how leaving the family is perceived), adapt to a new life, and perhaps survive moving to another house or even city. Depending on their age, psychological characteristics, and emotional state, children have different reactions to this bad news. “Children can perceive the situation as if trouble in the whole wide world has chosen their family, so it is logical that they are worried about the future,” says psychologist Andrei Belousov. − And the physiological consequences can be nervous tics, absent-mindedness, and decreased performance at school. Most often, before the age of six, a child intuitively senses the difficult situation in the family, reacting to this with causeless whims and changeable moods. Older children behave more consciously. But sometimes children's emotions can be a mirror image of their parents': they may experience anger, depression, mistrust, fear, rejection and despondency. How to choose the words If the child is of primary school age, then it is better to tell him about the divorce before it is committed, since his sense of time is more extended, and a month will feel like a year. If the child is older, then you can tell him in advance. “And adults need to agree that when talking with children they will not look for those to blame for the current situation and try to win the children over to their own side,” continues the psychologist. - Parents need to be sincerely told that they cannot be together. Phrases could be as follows: - “Somewhere we couldn’t help each other. We're both to blame for this. Somewhere they couldn’t understand each other. And now it is very difficult for us to unite what is broken, now it will not be restored, so we will have to live separately.” - “The relationship between mom and dad has reached a dead end. It will be better for everyone if we live separately for some time. It happened. This is just our relationship, moms and dads. And we still love you, me and dad. We are separated, but you remain our child. You have a mom, you have a dad." But it is important to talk about what happened in any case so that the child’s fantasies, filled with misunderstanding and childhood fears, are not supported by the parents’ silence and ignoring this painful issue. It is also important to pay attention to the next point. According to the specialist, the child is almost always haunted by a feeling of guilt that it is he and his mistakes that are the root cause of the parental divorce. At this difficult moment, it is important to keep in the child’s soul the idea that he is not to blame, his parents still love him, despite personal experiences. And even if dad leaves the family, he will always be a loving and beloved father for his child. When the first strong emotions subside and the wounds stop hurting, communication with dad will continue. If the children took the news of the divorce hard, to encourage them, try to caress and hug them more often and give them more attention than usual. What not to do − You should not do either in no case speak badly about the other spouse: “He is bad,” “She is bad.” It’s better to say: “It happened. We can't live together anymore. But I will always respect your dad (your mom). “I will always be grateful to dad (grateful to mom) for having you,” continues Andrey. “In addition, a common mistake is to try to freeze feelings towards divorce in both children and parents, to hide the “monster in closet" and try to keep him there. It is better to share your experiences with loved ones who can really console you, or consult a psychologist. Another.