Our environment, which we choose from birth (and maybe earlier), does not always treat us with humanity and high ideals promoted through books. On the contrary, quite the opposite. That is, 180 degrees - or, more precisely, takes a position AGAINST you. Let’s remember: “You did this, this and that, and you don’t even feel guilty,” says the mother in her hearts. “How much can I explain to you...(further from the richness of the vocabulary),” the tired teacher growls irritably. “What did you come up with here - the river cannot be red, only morons draw like that,” the artist laments. “Don’t be stupid, Petrov – are you fantasizing again? It’s not accepted that way and that’s it.”... Remember how everyone laughed when you answered incorrectly at school, or did something differently than usual? Each of us, at least once, has been in this shoes and remembered forever: there is no point in showing initiative, reaching out - what if the answer is “wrong” and I will be shamed, laughed at, or, at best, given up on me. This is all unpleasant... Even just remembering about it is unpleasant... But the fact is that it does not let go in adulthood. The past still influences us. We often hear: “Quiet, be silent - otherwise the person will be offended.” “Keep your head down, they’ll knock you on the head.” “Look how others do it, but you can’t?” “You are nobody and there is no way to call you! Understood?". And we, as in childhood, react inadequately to attempts at suppression, violence, inconsistency, and we ourselves do it in relation to children and weak people. Why is this so? The answer is simple - these are survival instincts, distorted by the behavior patterns of our ancestors. Or, more simply put, unconscious behavior. It’s not for nothing that there is such a term as “genetic trans.” It describes our unconscious reactions due to patterns formed by our grandparents. “What does this mean?”, you ask, “After all, everyone lives like this!?” Actually, not all of them. Confident, successful people live differently. They go beyond the boundaries established from outside and try, try, try new things, achieving the desired effect. And we are for an inadequate response (we are not talking about mental disorders, but about unconstructive patterns of behavior), i.e. Following these restrictions, we pay very high prices. Let's see which ones: - We go to achieve the goal in a standard way, although there is a shorter and more natural way. - Loss of creativity - you don’t want to do anything (you’ve even forgotten how to want) and you have to act in a stereotyped way - “like others.” But usually in the end it gives a sad result. - Narrowing the range of interests. - There is no inventiveness and development – ​​and the “old” way is no longer in demand. - All our lives we feel guilty for no reason. Most often, it is hung by a loved one and has absolutely nothing to do with us. - Constant shame for the actions of children, old parents, spouses, partners becomes the norm of life. - We are almost completely unsure of ourselves and our value to the world. This is such a sad, but honest sadness. How to act adequately when trying to squeeze into a framework, impose feelings of guilt, shame, or bring you into conformity with someone else? There are three important steps. Firstly, do not remain silent when you feel suppressed and other attempts at coercion. If you remained silent, it means you agreed. There is no third option here. Secondly, identify and analyze the basic behavior patterns of your ancestors. Understand, realize, see the parallels in life, but do not scold them - they awarded you these patterns not from a better life. They needed to survive and thank them that we are alive. Next, free yourself from the models using various techniques suitable for this. Third, monitor speech and thought patterns in yourself and others throughout the day. Immediately replace with more constructive ones in real time. For example: We heard: “Quiet, be silent - otherwise the person will be offended.” Replaced with: “It’s safe for me to speak and be heard. People always react adequately and constructively to my words,” and the like.