Imagine that one day you find out that your former client is going to another psychotherapist. Resentment is gradually replaced by a feeling of professional failure. And if you heard such a story from a friend, you would probably try to support him in the following spirit: “You are too good for this client. He feels that he will have to change, that’s why he is afraid of you.” Encouraging? Yes. Comforts? No. Some moments seem hopeless to us, when we cannot find mutual understanding with clients due to their or our limitations. We begin to delve into ourselves. The client stops coming and disconnects. Or it’s even sadder when the client seems to continue therapy, but ignores all our messages. He is not afraid of changes, feeling confident and safe. And we will still watch his games, defenses and resistances, trying not to take it personally. Some are ready to come to our office for the rest of their lives just for approval or audience attention or punishment and so on. Working with them is usually ineffective and looks futile. But we fantasize that we can change heredity, family foundations, or pronounced character traits. Sometimes miracles happen, and the client’s condition changes at least somehow. But it is quite normal that it is usually stronger than us. And not every change can stick forever. It is pointless to convince an alcoholic or drug addict that there is a good method that will deprive him of understandable pleasure and show the prospects of a “normal” lifestyle. How can we help an orphanage child who has suffered from his own parents, but whom no one can take care of or adopt? There is no chance of helping a student if his parents are against it. Is it possible to change the client's values ​​if after the session he returns to his seductive and vicious world? It seems to us that our attempts in such cases are in vain. As long as a person has at least some choice, he will not listen to anyone. But even when there is no choice, many are ready only for superficial changes, hoping that over time everything will work out on its own. We may temporarily support them, but at the same time realize our own powerlessness. https://www.b17.ru/training.php?id=78867Igor Alferov | Balint groups: supervision, webinars, checklists