HOW TO GET OUT OF THE CLOSED CIRCLE OF THE “GOOD GIRL” COMPLEX Question: I constantly slip into trying to earn love, recognition, approval from men and other people. But you realize that it is too late - you are betrayed, disrespected, abandoned. Vicious circle. I understand that I can’t cope on my own. Although everyone likes me, I look good. I found a video from you about the good girl complex, it gets easier, but it comes back. Please tell me, in order to have a lasting effect, how often should I practice tapping and for how long after relief? THANK YOU very much for your real help!!! Everything is very clear! Answer: Good afternoon. To have a lasting effect, you need to go into analysis. That is, start individual consultations, once a week for a long time. Meetings should be regular. OTHER relationships heal. And when working with a psychologist, you gain new relationship experience. The exercises that you do in the video help reduce the intensity of the experience, but of course the feelings rise again - because they are connected to other feelings. But the intensity of the experience of feelings is greatly reduced, and even when the feeling returns, you can already track it, withstand it, there is no feeling of intensity, you have more strength and, therefore, you can act and communicate somehow differently. It is very important to find the key experience, the “core of the trauma.” And this happens by removing the intensity of feelings layer by layer. And gradually you will feel that your emotional state has become calmer and more stable. The main thing is to correctly name what is happening inside. If the state does not change after tapping, then it may not contain an exact hit (naming) of your key experience, feelings. Therefore, work in individual consultations is much more productive. There are a lot of feelings in the “good girl” complex. I would suggest that a key experience in your personal “good girl” complex is naivety. And you need to interact with this. Understand your childish part, learn to take care of it. After all, children are open, they trust without judging. And you face the pain of betrayal, of not meeting your expectations when you enter the relationship from a “good girl” state. You can be wrong. You may think that love and approval must be earned. This is how the childish part of you thinks. The way out of the vicious circle is to help yourself as a little girl and cultivate self-confidence and a feeling of being an adult. It is very painful to say goodbye to naivety. But it hurts even more when you get hurt again and again. I say after the exercises that other experiences may arise. Stories may emerge from memory, resentment, anger, etc. may arise. Insights and realizations occur. Access to deeper experiences, layers of trauma opens up - because you have the strength to interact with it. And you need to continue to work with feelings. All experiences are like a tangle of feelings that needs to be unraveled gradually. And sometimes opposing feelings are so merged that you need to separate them. For example, there may be trust and fear, guilt and hatred, love and pain in a merger. That is, you always feel these states at the same time, and it’s as if it’s impossible to feel and experience them separately. Videos help reduce the intensity of experiences and free up energy - which can often be used to work through the next layer of feelings. Therefore, videos are very helpful, but they cannot replace individual work. Also, our mental defenses are stronger than us. Stronger than our consciousness. And so you feel a vicious circle. For your mental defenses, this vicious circle feels safe for you, because with this behavior you were once able to survive. The “good girl” complex helped you survive. Therefore, it may seem impossible to get out of these experiences. What will you do without them? How to feel? What new reactions will you have in the relationship? All this is worth thinking about. "Good