One way or another, many people have experienced feelings of resentment at one time or another in their lives. Some of us cope with this easily and naturally, but for others, resentment is not a simple and sometimes even extremely difficult experience of oneself and relationships with other people. First of all, with loved ones. After all, the closer a person is, the more dear he is, the stronger the resentment can be as a result of any life situation. In childhood and adolescence, grievances usually pass quickly, but in more mature ones they often have a sluggish, “stable” character. At the same time, it often happens that the feeling of resentment is so strong that a person does not even try to figure it out: what, exactly, is the reason? and why is it so hard on your soul? This is natural, because in order to understand it, you need to experience it again in one form or another, which means experiencing a rather unpleasant feeling. And therefore, quite often people live with a grudge against someone or something, not knowing how to cope with this destructive feeling .But let us note, in continuation of the above, that in itself experiencing the situation after which the offense arose is not a solution and does not allow you to completely get rid of it (although it does provide relief). Because usually the feeling of resentment generally comes down to the experience of being treated unfairly and to the desire to take revenge on the offender, thereby restoring justice. And this is one of the reasons why people continue to live with resentment: these feelings do not bring anything positive and in no way allow them to restore mental balance. Naturally, in a state of passion, a person can take revenge on the offender and this can ease his mental suffering, but, obviously , this is also not a solution or way out of the situation. And we can observe from numerous examples that even in such situations there is always an unpleasant aftertaste. What to say if a person is left alone with his offense, either without receiving support from others, or without wanting to receive it. Then the question arises: what to do in this case, how to get rid of this destructive feeling? Of course, there is no single rule that can help everyone, and in my practice we always create a unique decision with a person, which is first of all made by the person himself. However, from experience it has been noticed that quite often people have some kind of resentment at the core one strong feeling: for example, self-pity, or a feeling of unfair treatment. But these two feelings are not necessary components of the feeling of resentment, despite its widespread definition and understanding. Why does this happen? We are all different - we have different individual psychological characteristics and, as a result, experience different feelings in the same situations. Moreover, each specific situation has a personal meaning for a person, and if someone offends us (deprives/restricts/causes harm/insults), then the degree of offense is related to several things: - what kind of person he is and how we treat him; - how much we suffered greatly as a result of the offense (we did not achieve what we wanted or received damage in some form); - will we be able to further achieve what we were limited in / restore the damage caused / switch to something else, get distracted / return what lost (relationships, feelings, etc.); That is, personal meaning is important. This is what makes our situation unique, special to us. And this is exactly what we experience, how our expectations, ideas, desires were ultimately violated. As a rule, it’s not fair – yes. But there is this “but” here, which is very important to note: if we focus on the unfair/unworthy attitude of the offender towards us, then we immediately drive ourselves into the trap of this state, which only feeds on this. Unfortunately, this is so often occurs, except in those cases when the resentment is so strong that the person distances himself from what happened and tries not to even think about what might remind him of what happened. And this is another trap - we experienced it, but did nothing about it. A.