My son is 5 years old, has always been affectionate with both parents, and recently he began to claim that he doesn’t love dad. Our dad is the most wonderful: he works with the child and fools around, maybe I, like a mother, of course, hug and kiss more often, but otherwise we are equal with dad in relation to the child. And I can’t explain this reaction to my dad; what could it be connected with? And now the situation is aggravated by the fact that the father is very offended by his son for such words - he can say in his hearts that he won’t love him either, which in my opinion produces an even more negative effect on his son. I'm stumped! This situation really upsets me! Help me figure out what's wrong? And how can this situation be resolved? It is quite possible that this is a way for the child to express his condition: I don’t feel very good right now, so bad that it seems that I don’t like my dad... This is the child’s attempt to cope with negative emotions. Observe your son, after what events, actions, words does he develop a phrase that causes such unpleasant experiences? This is an explanation that is on the surface. Therefore, it is better not to focus the attention of either you or your dad on this phrase. Treat it as something situational, transitory, which is born out of the child’s inability and little experience in the ability to recognize and understand his feelings. Focusing attention will lead to the consolidation of the use of this phrase in the child’s vocabulary, as well as its acquisition of various manipulative meanings. We'll look at them below. Dad's optimal reaction here would be to shrug his shoulders sadly and say: what a pity, but I love you so much... We can talk about this when you're ready. Dad's reaction like this is only possible if he doesn't accept the phrase at his own expense, but acts out of the belief that his son cannot cope with his emotions: my father’s task is to help him with this. If the phrase is said not to dad, but to mom about dad, in the third person, then the optimal thing for mom would be to hug her son and to say that she loves both him and dad very, very much. Let your son think about this when he stops being upset. If you start to be offended by a child, then this is to rivet his attention to what is happening, giving him a tool for manipulation. If you start saying that “I don’t love you either then,” this is showing a model of manipulative behavior. Let me clarify my words. How can a child respond to these parental words? He can only persist in his words. How sincere can the words of a child take a step back sound: Oh, I was joking, actually, dad, I love you? Definitely, insincerely, firstly. Secondly, in order for a child to take such a step, he needs to either be very afraid that his dad will no longer love him, or show greater understanding of the situation than an adult does, his father - to understand what feelings the father is experiencing at this moment , to understand that in fact he does not feel this way, but speaks rashly... For a five-year-old child, alas, this is impossible. The child’s soul at the moment of uttering these words is gloomy, a confusion of feelings, which he interprets as a lack of love. This state of his is superimposed on the parent’s clearly manipulative (vengeful) phrase, the subtext of which is: as you are to me, so am I to you. Please note that with this formulation of the question, the leading role seems to be assigned to the child, as the initiator of such communication. Meanwhile, in child-parent communication, the leading role always belongs to an adult (I mean minor children :)). This means that the adult sinks to the child’s level and pretends that they are equal, and equal in unconstructive grievances against each other. In such situations, it is important for adults, more than ever, to remain adults, maintain control over themselves and the situation, and rely on their good attitude towards the child , his firm conviction that the child says what he says because he does not know how to cope with his condition otherwise. Whether this phrase becomes manipulation in the mouth of a child largely depends on the reaction of adults to it..