From the author: The “natural” love of parents for children must inevitably return from children to parents as grief, unless love for children contains a high guiding ideal.” M. M. PRISHVINKO very often mothers of adult children contact me with whom they have problems in relationships. The problems can be very different: misunderstanding, disrespect for the mother, reluctance of a son or daughter to live separately, lack of contact with children, concern for their health or life ...They are looking for help, waiting for support and want changes. It would seem that the children have grown up, but the problems not only have not decreased, but have actually increased. There is even a Russian proverb: “Little children are little troubles.” So why is it that mothers are still concerned about the behavior, lifestyle, interests and preferences of their children? Once upon a time, each of us decided to have a child. From that very moment, the “mother-child” connection began to form. We gave birth, raised, educated, cared for, cared for, protected our beloved child from troubles and failures. Often many of us even forgot about ourselves: from the very moment the child appeared , all life began to revolve around him. The years flew by, the child grew up... Whatever the relationship between mother and child (close or alienated, distant), most of the women - mothers - have one thing in common: we still cannot believe that our children They’ve grown up and don’t need us anymore. On the one hand, for some it’s scary to admit this: “wow, what am I going to do now, since I’ve dedicated my whole life to him (her)?”, someone complains about their children , and someone is happy that the child is still looking for support from his mother and lives by her decisions. Whatever the basis lies in the relationship, the essence does not change. All those women who are worried about relationships with adult children are for themselves , by and large, have done little in life for their mental health. Here I would like to clarify: if you, dear women, have problems in relationships with adult children, then this means that you also have problems with yourself. The only way. Your son or daughter only reflects your emotional state. You are in a codependent (symbiotic) relationship, from which it is not so easy, but it is necessary to get out. Everyone wants the other to change and it is believed that everything is fine with me... But understand, it is YOU who WORRIES, not your child, which means you need to deal with YOUR CONCERNS...I understand how difficult it is to admit that the role of a mother in the life of 20-year-old children has been exhausted and now you can only be friends...This is especially difficult for Russian mothers to understand, since historically it has developed that children are parents were under their “sound guidance” and “correct” instruction.” Codependent relationships “parents-children” do not bring development to either one or the other. That is why so often in Russian families the dissatisfaction and helplessness of a grown child turns into alcoholism, drug addiction and others personal perversions. If mothers have not worked through their traumas and complexes, then they will successfully pass them on to their children. And those - theirs. And this will continue from generation to generation and no one will be able to stop this transmission if you, dear mothers, do not pay attention to your difficulties and problems. All (almost) mothers want to see their children healthy and successful, but few people think about the question: “And what do I need to change in myself so that the child lives happier, so that he is not as limited as I am, so that he does not carry the complexes inherent in me and does not feel guilty or self-confident?” Who thinks about the question: “If the son (daughter) ) have grown up, but the relationship doesn’t suit me, then what can I change in myself?” Only a few... If they can still think about it, then they don’t want to work hard for themselves and their mental health. Then what kind of Love of a mother for her child can we talk about? ?Then Love is only in words, which means it doesn’t exist at all... Of course..., because Love for another begins with Love for oneself.?