From the author: The article describes one of the aspects of addictive behavior, attention to which greatly contributes to setting the right boundaries. Today, every psychologist deals with dependent or co-dependent relationships, as well as therapy for dependent character traits in clients. This is no coincidence. This is practically a disease of our society, its traditions, history and foundations. Many of us have learned to sacrifice ourselves or our interests, health, success, time “for the sake of a common cause,” “for the sake of love,” “if only everything would be fine,” “if only we wouldn’t fight and quarrel,” “if only we wouldn’t upset mom, dad, husband, girlfriend, etc.” Here you should not think that psychologists are initially opponents of noble feelings and impulses and despise altruism and spiritual generosity. That's not what this is about. True spiritual generosity and the desire to give, to bestow on another, to take care of one’s neighbor “because I am spiritually rich,” “because I have a lot,” “because I want,” is rather viewed as a sign of personal maturity, maturity, and scale. But sacrificing oneself, violating one’s freedom because “this is how it is,” “I must,” “they won’t love me any other way,” etc., are rather signs of a dependent, not free character, the owners of which usually do not live very well. happy, do not experience sufficient satisfaction from life, tend to enter into destructive, non-constructive relationships with others and suffer in these relationships. In this article I would like to draw attention to one aspect of addiction that is rarely mentioned by experts, but which powerfully affects dependent person and increases his dependence on circumstances, people, relationships. This is a problem of material resources and material dependence. This is a very simple and basic aspect, which, however, is often overlooked by people seeking help. We can work as much as we want on the ability to defend our rights, regain our value and restore the weight and significance of our needs in the psychologist’s office, but if we continue to receive serious material support and provision from the person from whom we want to free ourselves, then our impulses will remain internal and will not lead to real changes. Thus, a woman who complains about the excessive presence of her parents in her life declares an internal need to live independently, nevertheless, continues to live in her parents’ apartment, avoiding open agreements and clear boundaries. Another woman, experiencing her dissatisfaction in a dysfunctional relationship, continues to receive gifts and money from her unsuitable partner. The third person continues to remain in the relationship “because he is obliged to them, they help me a lot.” Dependent relationships are characterized by such a split, I seem to myself to be very weak and unable to earn my own living, apartment, car, and the person on whom I depend, It seems to me strong and possessive of me, due to the fact that I endow him with such strength and internally weaken myself. This happens in exactly the same way with intangible resources, for example: “he is magnificent, talented, wonderful, but I am no good,” “she is fragile and needs help, she will disappear without me, but I am persistent, I will endure everything.” This is only one aspect of addiction and it does not describe the full complexity of this phenomenon and is not typical for one hundred percent of cases, but if you feel not free in some relationships, pay attention to whether there is a balance of material contributions on your part and on the part of your partner? Do you feel like you are denying yourself the right to act freely because you “owe too much”? If yes, then don’t rush to give up everything and leave home in your underwear, but start working on balance and agreements in your relationships. And also find out from your partner whether the same view of obligations exists, or is it just your conviction that you “owe”. Maybe you're exaggerating.