“How does your child know how to calm down when he feels bad or scared?” - the first question I ask mothers of children with complicated adaptation to a child care institution. The answers are different: he cuddles a soft bear; he sucks my handkerchief; he is inconsolable...And when the first two answers sound, I understand that the child will cope, that he has enough resources in the form of simple objects that help him maintain an emotional connection with his mother, even when she is not around. But when the topic of the child’s inconsolability, inability Even at home, calming down about something is a wake-up call. He tells me that there are some disturbances in the parent-child relationship. For some reason, the child does not receive consolation from the mother and does not transfer it to substitute objects - bears, handkerchiefs... After all, what is consolation? This is some kind of magical power that makes it possible for both a small and an adult person to survive fear, separation from a loved one, without falling to pieces from stress, without being shattered to pieces by some life circumstances. And the psyche is structured in such a way that first the mother comforts the child, then he learns to console himself with external objects - substitutes, and then this becomes an internal ability of a person. And it is very important in adulthood to have this ability for self-comfort, for self-soothing. And if it is not there, there is a direct path to dependent behavior: chemistry, emotions , work, sports, adrenaline... How else can you console yourself if you are empty inside? Just plug the empty hole with addiction and that’s it... But consolation doesn’t work that way! Addiction first becomes a friend, eases the emotional state, but then begins to turn into an even greater evil than the one from which consolation was sought. And what to do if this ability is not there? Try to grow it within yourself: ✅ When it’s bad, find kind words for yourself.✅When you’re scared, find support in your body: legs, deep breathing.✅When you’re sad, do something nice for yourself. Cultivating self-comfort within yourself is the art of small steps, so necessary, so important for every person!