Gestures and Courtship Signals I have a friend, Graham, who has a talent that many men dream of. As soon as he gets to the party, he immediately evaluates all the available women, chooses one of them, and in a record short time (sometimes it takes him less than ten minutes) he is already heading out the door with his chosen one, who has agreed to go to his home. I sometimes noticed that after an hour he would return and repeat his technique two or three times in the evening. He seems to have some kind of mysterious built-in radar that allows him to pick the right woman at the right time and convince her to go with him. Many people wonder what is the key to such success? Perhaps you also know such a Graham and have asked him about it more than once. Studies of courtship rituals in animals conducted by zoologists and behaviorists have shown that both males and females use certain gestures and postures, sometimes noticeable and obvious, sometimes very subtle and hidden. Most of these gestures are made unconsciously. The courtship ritual in the animal world follows a very specific pattern, characteristic of each species. In some species of birds, males circle around the female, luring her with singing, fluffing up their feathers and performing many rather complex body movements. The female pretends not to notice him. This ritual is very close to the behavior of a person at the beginning of the courtship process. Graham's technique was that he demonstrated courtship gestures to promising partners, in his opinion. Those who found him attractive responded with appropriate feminine signals, giving Graham the nonverbal green light to move on to more intimate activities. The success that people have in sexual relationships with members of the opposite sex is directly related to their ability to send and recognize courtship signals . Women are aware of these signals in the same way that they recognize most other body language signals, but men are less receptive in this sense, and some of them are completely blind. It is interesting to note that women considered Graham sexy, masculine. At times they said that in his in their presence we felt like real women. And this was their reaction to his courtship. Men, on the other hand, considered Graham aggressive, insincere and arrogant. This is a common reaction to the aggressive competitiveness that my friend exuded. As a result, he always had very few male friends, and the reason for this lay on the surface - what kind of man would like to have a rival? I am often asked about what gestures and body movements people use to express their sexual interest. Now we will look at the signals used by representatives of both sexes to attract potential sexual partners. You will notice that we will pay more attention to women's signals simply because women have perfected the process of attraction to a real art. Their arsenal is much richer than that of men. Some signals are acquired and intentional, while others are made completely unconsciously. These signals are very difficult to explain. There is a popular theory that they are innate. Dr. Albert Sheflen in the article “Quasicourtship Behavior in Psychotherapy” writes that when a person finds himself in the company of representatives of the other sex, certain physiological changes occur in him. His muscles tense, which is a clear preparation for potential sexual contact, the face tightens, the person stops slouching, the chest protrudes forward, the stomach retracts, the posture becomes straight, the person even begins to appear younger. The ideal place to observe such changes is the beach. Here is a man and a woman approaching each other. As soon as they are close enough and come into each other's field of vision, the changes described by Dr. Sheflen occur. They last as long as the man and woman see each other, and then disappear. Courtship gestures in men LikeMost animals, men, in the presence of women, begin to preen themselves. In addition to the usual physiological reaction, which we have already discussed, they begin to touch their throat and straighten their tie. If a man does not wear a tie, he can smooth his collar or shake off imaginary dust from his shoulder, adjust cufflinks, shirt, jacket and other items of clothing. He may start combing his hair to make himself more attractive. The most aggressive sexual display is putting his thumbs behind his belt and emphasizing the genital area. A man may lean toward a woman and stick one leg in her direction, and also hold her gaze longer than usual. If his intentions are sincere, then his pupils will definitely dilate. Men often stand with their hands on their hips to emphasize their physical size and demonstrate their willingness to engage with a woman. If a man is sitting or standing against a wall, he can spread his knees to show the genital area. If this happens during courtship, then all these actions are as effective as trying to catch a fish by hitting it on the head with a stick, going up to the knee in water. Women, as we will see later, are more inventive, and they make much better fishermen. They know how to hook their prey in such a way that men cannot even dream of it. Gestures and courtship signals in women Women use almost the same preening gestures as men. They touch hair, adjust clothing, place one or both hands on their hips, lean toward the man, stick a leg in his direction, and use intimate gaze and prolonged eye contact. They also adopted putting their thumbs behind the belt. Although this is a male aggressive gesture, women have slightly modified it: they put only one finger in their belt, pocket or purse. Sexual interest also leads to dilation of the pupils and reddening of the cheeks. Now let's move on to other courtship signals in women. Shaking the head A woman shakes her head so that her hair falls over her shoulders or opens her face. Even women with short hair use this gesture. Demonstration of wrists A woman interested in a man usually shows him the delicate skin of her wrists. The wrist area has always been considered the most erotic area of ​​the body. During a conversation, a woman leaves her palms in the field of view of a potential partner. Those who smoke cigars or cigarettes use them. It's very easy to show off your palms and wrists while smoking. Showing the wrists and shaking the head is often used by homosexual men who want to appear more feminine. Spreading Legs In the presence of men, women spread their legs wider than when they are not around. This becomes noticeable when a woman is sitting or standing. If a woman takes a defensive position, then her legs, on the contrary, are tightly clenched or crossed. Swaying the hips While walking, a woman sways her hips to attract the man's attention to the genital area. Over the centuries, more sophisticated courtship gestures used by women have evolved. They are often used to advertise products and services. Sideways Gaze A woman lowers her eyelids slightly and holds her gaze on a man long enough for him to notice it, and then quickly looks away. This creates an amazing voyeuristic feeling. And the knowledge that he is being spied on can inflame any normal man. Half-open mouth, wet lips Dr. Desmond Morris describes this technique as a kind of mimicry, since it symbolizes the female genital organs. Lips can be wet from saliva or from cosmetics. Both give a woman a very sexy look. Lipstick When a woman is sexually aroused, her lips, breasts and genitals become enlarged and reddened by the rush of blood. Using lipstick is a technique that has been around for centuries. It simulates a rush of blood to the organs of a sexually excited woman. Stroking the object.