The ability to evaluate ourselves is not our innate ability. It is gradually formed in the very first relationships: with parents or other significant adults. Of course, this ability is influenced by other people and other factors, but it is the parents who are the first to evaluate the behavior, appearance, achievements and qualities of the child. And, of course, it is the parents’ assessment that is very important, since a positive assessment is perceived as an opportunity to receive parental love, and for a child this is vital. Therefore, children often assign their parents’ assessment and perceive it as their own. Different families may have different methods of assessment, and this greatly influences the formation of a person’s self-esteem. Let's look at the most common method, the consequences of which many can observe in their lives right now. I'm talking about a situation where a child's act, mistake, achievement or emotional manifestation is assessed not separately, but in merging with the child's personality. What might this look like? Got it A - cool, what a smart, good girl! You skipped class at music school - irresponsible, unscrupulous, I'm ashamed of you. If you repeat such things on a regular basis, a person will form a clear idea: what I am depends on what I have done. What can this lead to? The self-esteem of such a person will always be unstable and dependent on those people who surround him: from husband, wife, friends, colleagues, boss. Such a person will need constant confirmation of his own importance: he will depend on praise, support, and will be poorly able to withstand criticism and his own mistakes and failures. If the child’s personality and what he does are shared by the parents (the child is not angry, but angry; not bad , but behaves badly) - the situation changes radically. In this case, a person develops self-reliance, a feeling that I am good even if I make mistakes or do not live up to the expectations of others. Such people accept criticism more easily, try new things and take responsibility for their actions. What to do if you find yourself in the first group? If your self-esteem is unstable and depends on others? Unfortunately, there is no simple answer. To simplify it as much as possible, the answer will sound like this: form your own inner “good” parent, who will replace old methods of assessment with new ones, and will be able to separate your personality and your actions. Of course, this is a long and difficult process. To speed it up, you can seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist - in the process of working with him, you can gain the experience that you missed with your parents, build internal support and form new patterns of relationship with yourself. Stay in touch: https://ninapanina.taplink.ws/