Perhaps the reader will have a question after reading the title - is what we see not reality? I’ll answer right away - this is reality, but it may very well be that this reality is only for you alone. And what is also important is not only what we see, but also how we experience what we see, what we feel, think, fantasize and want in connection with it. When I began to work closely as a Gestalt therapist, I saw a wide variety of realities in each individual person. And this is not a metaphor, this is precisely the reality in which people live. What happens in their realities is exactly what is real for them. So how is it formed? It is clear that our reality is formed from childhood and the first “wizards, creators” of our reality are our parents. This is mom, this is dad, and other significant adults. They teach us - this is a pacifier, this is food, this is poop, etc. We are doomed at the beginning of life to end up in the reality of our parents, and sometimes to remain in it. Let me explain what I mean by different reality for different people. I'll describe it with an example. I spied this plot in a book by a famous psychologist. Two friends met, had not seen each other for a long time, and started talking. It turned out that they both moved to new areas of the city a couple of years ago. So from the conversation it turned out that one was lucky, and the other was not. The first one ended up in a wonderful area where wonderful, nice people live. And the second one complained that his choice was terrible. The area where he settled is filled with disgusting, evil people. And in the evening it’s impossible to go out at all, there are bandits all around. And when they exchanged addresses, it turned out that they lived nearby, just a couple of houses away from each other. So in life, there is one place, but what we see there largely depends on our reality. If in my soul there is anger at the whole world, dissatisfaction and hatred, which I cannot present to the addressee, I experience this state, then I will see bad and evil people around me, and they will also certainly notice you, you will try. And vice versa. So how can this reality change? Now I will write about how we, as adults, adjust our world. I will touch on several mechanisms. There are, of course, many more, but I will focus on those that I most often encountered in my practice. First, “kind” people who are already angry (or something else) at the whole world, for whom everything is bad and will get even worse, can help you with this. That is, if you constantly communicate or, even better, live with such people, then sooner or later something like this will arise in you. Therefore, my advice is to stay away from such people as much as possible. It is difficult to resist their influence, and it is practically useless to convince or save them. And accordingly, if in front of you are cheerful people who value their own and other people’s lives, then as a result of contact with such people there is a high probability of changing your worldview towards the joy of life. However, of course, a lot also depends on you, if for some reason you remain in your “safe cocoon”, then not a single “positive” person will reach out to you to share the joy of life. Second - when we begin to build our relationships, then voluntarily We influence our partner and he influences us. And as a result, it begins to change. And in what direction and how changes occur largely depends on your contact, on drawing boundaries in your relationship. Often clients come to me with a request to regain their confidence and cheerfulness that they have lost over the years of marriage with their partner. She was a cheerful, self-confident woman, but she became a reserved woman with a lot of complexes. He was an ambitious, brave, smart man, but he became a downtrodden, underdeveloped schmuck. Although, of course, the opposite can happen, but, as a rule, clients rarely come to boast about their pleasant changes in relationships, especially at the first consultation. Third, we can create a “wonderful” world ourselves, left alone with our experiences. This happens when a person withdraws into himself, stews in his own “juice”, and does not check his projections. When he asks himself questions, he himself.