Any parent wants only the best for their child And in the process of raising many questions arise: what to do and what not to do so that the child’s fragile psyche is not broken. So, the top mistakes of parents: 1 . Conditionality in relationships with a child. And what is a conditioned relationship, many will ask? This is from the series “You must” correspond to something or someone, or deserve something, or justify something... That is, love, attention, recognition - for something, and not just like that. Some parents want their child to become a musician or an athlete, or a doctor, etc. etc. This, in turn, forces the child to prove to his parents over and over again that he is exactly what they want him to be. This is what conditioning is all about. That is, the conditions for accepting a child. But the basis of any relationship is only in the unconditional acceptance of a person as he is! If such children do not live up to their parents’ hopes, they will be punished. Such parents seem to be saying, giving a non-verbal or verbal message - Earn my love. Such parents often lose their temper and take out their anger on a child who has not lived up to their hopes, making the child feel guilty for his actions and behavior. What does this lead to? To serve the child and his attempt to earn love, since otherwise there is a fear of disappointing mommy or daddy, losing a fragile emotional connection with them - and this is like death. Victim in the Karpman triangle Similar upbringing of many people led to the Karpman triangle - and this means - living life as a victim. What does the victim do? She "begs" for people to treat her well. She deserves love in a relationship with a partner. The task of parents is to accept the child as he is without conditions - with imperfect behavior, with bad grades, with the talents that he has or without them at all... To love without expectations. A child - it's a personality. You and him are not one whole.2. You yourself are unhappy, but at the same time you want happiness for your child. “A parent who tries to change his child without starting with himself is not just wasting his time, but is taking a very cruel risk.” Vladimir Levi.Parent. Begin with yourself. Educate yourself. But many parents think that children will build their relationships differently. However, as practice shows, the majority of people bring the parental background into their lives. Mothers think that their sons and daughters will build ideal relationships, not like they have with their husbands, they will be happy in marriage, etc. At the same time, they themselves parents live their lives very unhappily. Where can children take an example from - except from the parental family? Naturally, children copy their parents! How parents treat each other, how mom cries after a quarrel with dad, who is the aggressor, who is the victim, how the personal boundaries of each family member are violated... The child absorbs all this like a sponge. You can talk endlessly about the dangers of smoking and alcohol, while holding in your hands a cigarette and a can of beer or something stronger. You can wish your daughter the best husband, but at the same time she will see how her dad will treat her mother badly and take this example of a man, and, unnoticed for herself, attract exactly such men into her life, losing her parents’ scenario in the future. Do you want to ruin your child's life? Show HOW NOT to live! Let your child see how you cry, how your alcoholic husband beats you, how they cheat on you... 100% guarantee - this will ruin your child’s life! 3. I'm a mother! I live for the sake of the children! A woman, not understanding that she is “hiding behind” children, justifies herself by not leaving her tyrant husband, and at the same time says: “I want my children to have a full-fledged family! Is it a full-fledged one? For the sake of the well-being of the children? WTF ? (any sane person will say). A sacrifice for the well-being of children...... Very doubtful. This behavior is real selfishness and violence against her own child. How is such a woman different from her husband, who, for example, beats her? is called emotional incest. Everyone has probably heard about sexual incest - it’s???