This text has been brewing for a very long time. The topic is not easy for me, because with experience in personal therapy and experience as a psychologist, I began to understand that the algorithm: “do it once, do two, do three” does not work in the topic of psychological changes. After all, every step stirs up many different experiences, resistances, new moments are revealed and you have to change the path, or stand in one place for a long time, or even go back, sideways, down... But still, there is something that promotes changes and something that slows them down .And even more important is that it helps not to devalue changes, to see them, to recognize them. And this, of course, is recording and observing yourself and collecting feedback from the environment. If you want to know for sure that changes have occurred, fix the starting point: what am I like now, what do I think about myself, what feelings do I feel now, what relationships do I enter into, what do I worry about, what kind of people surround me, how much do I earn, etc. i.p. And you can also periodically ask your loved ones what changes they notice. Most often, if a person starts going to a psychologist, then what do loved ones begin to say?... That's right: “You have gone bad. relationship. It is when we are in a relationship that we encounter some kind of reaction from others to us and we ourselves react somehow, we learn something about ourselves. And we like it or not. And we can change this. To change our reactions, it is important to first become aware of them and then make a conscious choice of how to react. For example, a mother usually yells at her child when he brings home a bad grade from school. Let's say that somehow the mother realizes that she is screaming because of her own shame, and then she has a choice: next time she too should fall into shame or slow down and listen to the child, find out what is happening to him, why the bad mark happened , how he experiences this, how to help... And then both mother and child, and their relationship will begin to change. It is important, on the one hand, to make an effort, notice, stop yourself, make a choice to act differently. But it is also important to treat yourself with care and not to become rotten if it doesn’t work out. Take responsibility for the choice you make: yes, I choose to yell at my child today, I don’t have the resources to react differently. Keep the focus on what is happening between me and others.Fix changes. And they can be anything: I used to scream at my child 10 times a week, and now 9. Or. I used to yell at my child 10 times a week, but now it’s 11. Or. I used to yell at my child, and now at my husband (teacher, tutor, mother, psychologist...). Or. Previously, I screamed at the child out of shame, but now out of anger. Or. I used to yell at the child, but now we have agreed on the consequences for getting a bad grade and I am calm. Working with a psychologist will help you descend to a deeper level of self-awareness. And yet a person can choose not to change. And do this consciously. Therefore, the only algorithm that I can recommend is: find the contacts of a psychologist, apply, go to therapy regularly.