BORDERS are where the clouds go gloomily? On psychological borders, sometimes not only the clouds are gloomy, sometimes there is just anyone wandering around and doing whatever they want, and all thanks to the fact that you, personally, allow this to be done to you. Whenever someone suddenly behaves towards you proceeds as follows: -Do as I say -Here's some advice for you, listen properly -Think the way I think is right -Live the way I imagine it and can also add your value judgments here, know YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL BOUNDARIES ARE UNDER A Severe Attack. This may happen in such a form that you will not immediately understand what it all means, but you will feel some kind of tension (or rather anger). This will be your sure beacon that someone is trying to invade where they were not invited. In simple examples, it looks like this: A friend/sister (and anyone else) suddenly noticed that you urgently need to start putting yourself in order, read something, go to courses to improve you, or say something like “ I told you what I should have done,” but you didn’t ask for all this, you know, the boundary has been violated. Or your mother-in-law tells you how to properly clean the house, that children need to be raised in a way known to her for a long time, and insists on this without the right challenge and express your opinion. In these places, in contact with people, you allow psychological violence towards yourself, listening to recommendations and advice that you did not ask for. But how do you feel about this? Most likely guilt: - Yes, they are right, and it’s true that I don’t know and don’t know how to do it correctly, etc., good people, they worry about me, they want to help, I’m not grateful. They are certainly good people. The sad thing is that those who do not feel their psychological boundaries suffer greatly and do not understand where it is necessary to put up a fence against uninvited intrusion. It is possible that as a small child you experienced the same thing from your parents, and in your childhood world there was no concept that your personal space was YOURS. That even now, in some part of you, you are still that little child who believes that it is normal when the door to your room opens with a kick, that other people can also clean up your “room”. So what should we do then? How to restore your boundaries? I can tell you from my experience that this is not an easy job. Doing it is very important for yourself, for your self-esteem and self-respect, and ultimately for the peace of your own soul. Start small: 👉 First, think about where and in what situations you do the same. Keep track of when you, too, give out unsolicited Advice for free from the heart, where you insert your own “I know what will be best for you,” and even mentally think that your sister, mother, brother, husband, wife should act as you think is right. 👉Track your reaction, your feelings. As soon as you hear that same bell (I’m angry, I feel guilty) and if you don’t have a quick answer in your head for the intruder, take a break. Say that you really don’t like all this right now and would like to end the conversation. There is one phrase that should be with you: “Thank you for your opinion, I have my own!” It is important to come to the point that one day you will say this phrase quite calmly. With friendly firmness. Of course, all this is very, very not simple! You have to go through the pain you cause yourself or another person. But until you firmly declare your territory, you will always find someone else’s opinion around you and live a life that is not your own, focusing on others. In the next post I will share with you an example of my work with a client on the topic of marking personal boundaries with an analysis of a specific life situation.