From the author: Consider the following situation: relatively speaking, you are a therapist, and a person with a masochistic character came to a session. What to do in such a case? Consider the following situation: relatively speaking, you are a therapist, and a person with a masochistic character came to the session. What to do in such a case? When communicating with a client, the main emphasis should be on real relationships, notes of omnipotence should be excluded from the tone, and you should not analyze or try to interpret certain person’s actions. With all his appearance, the masochist needs to show that he can and should treat himself better. If during a session a person finds himself in a sadomasochistic situation, he will again feel servility, submission and self-sacrifice of his independence for the sake of intimacy. Thus, the main task of the psychotherapist is not to become a sadist and masochist in relation to this person. Why is this the main line of therapy of a masochistic nature? Seeing that another person enjoys life, masochists begin to engage in self-flagellation. In this case, clients need an example of healthy protection of their rights. The therapist's refusal to take the position of the exploited subject or unwillingness to show generosity (even to the point of resentment) can open up completely new perspectives for a person who was raised in an atmosphere of constant sacrifice (his interests for the interests of others). Thus, destructive individuals will not benefit from demonstrating therapeutic self-sacrifice . This kind of behavior on the part of a therapist is simply unacceptable. What does this look like in practice? For example, reducing the fee for a session or working on debt with such people will not raise them to a higher level. On the contrary, it is recommended to deliberately demonstrate to individuals with a masochistic character type your satisfaction with the payment received; you can even gently stroke the bills, hiding them in your pocket. By refusing in this case, the therapist shows the person that he believes in his capabilities, that he can take responsibility for his life, improve his well-being and earn more money. If the therapist goes on vacation, masochists begin to moralize, but try to do it passively: “How can you have fun when I feel so bad?” In response, the therapist must convey to the masochist that it is normal to have pleasure even when others feel bad, and every person has this right. Often, masochists lose their temper, begin to get angry, criticize, and try to moralize. You need to show interest in such behavior, accepting the person as he is, and to some extent even supporting him. Individuals with a masochistic character type do not need to know that they are tolerated when they smile bravely. They need to know that anger is normal and people around them will accept them even when they show character. When masochists feel disappointment, anger and frustration, they may deny, moralize (so as not to feel shame and selfishness). In this situation, the therapist can act on his own needs and respond to the client's "righteous" and uncontrollable indignation as a natural manifestation of his feelings. As a result of such behavioral tactics, some clients change their minds. Experienced psychotherapists recommend under no circumstances to sympathize with individuals with a masochistic type of character. However, this does not mean that they should be blamed for their own problems or return sadism in response to a masochistic type of behavior. Instead of the reaction “Oh, poor thing!” the therapist must appeal to the mind of the masochist. You should tactfully ask: “How did you get yourself into this situation?” Such a phrase seems to sober up masochists. Appealing directly to a person’s mind makes him understand that he is an adult and can do everything on his own, that someone believes in him. Naturally, outwardly a masochist will show anger, irritation, disappointment (How can this be? You should have saved me,and you are doing exactly the opposite!). However, if the masochistic person becomes angry, this is an indication that the therapy is progressing. Masochists cannot be saved. The famous American psychoanalyst, Ph.D. in personality psychology Nancy McWilliams described a rather interesting case from her practice. A woman with a masochistic personality type, in an episode of extreme masochism, convinced staff at a local mental health center to hospitalize her for 72 hours. A few hours later she came to her senses, calmed down and tried to persuade the psychiatrist to discharge her if the psychoanalyst (N. McWilliams) gave permission. However, the latter replied: “When you convinced the doctor of the need for hospitalization, you were aware of what you were doing. So don’t shirk your responsibility and keep your promise.” The client was indignant, but several years later she admitted that this situation was a turning point in her therapy due to the fact that the psychoanalyst communicated with her as an adult. It was after this that she realized that she was truly responsible for her actions and life. So, to summarize, therapy for the masochistic character type includes: 1. Show that you can treat yourself with respect. This may cause a response in the form of arousal.2. Have less compassion.3. You shouldn’t “buy in” and become alarmed about a masochist, especially when he begins to commit dangerous acts. This allows the client to feel a kind of “deliverance” from anxiety - now the therapist feels all the experiences! In the latter case, it is useful to counteract anxiety by communicating with the person in an impassive tone. The last point is illustrated by an example. A woman with a masochistic personality type is about to return to her husband, who beats her. The psychotherapist experiences internal anxiety for the client, but instead of openly expressing his feelings, he needs to start the conversation in a calm and cold tone. The content of the conversation should be something like this: “I understand that he doesn’t want to kill you and is controlling himself. So, there is self-control... But... Let's assume that at some point he will not be able to restrain himself? What will be the consequences? Who will your children stay with, who will take care of them? Who will get the property? Have you talked to your children about what might happen if you are killed? Has a will been drawn up? Maybe you should re-register the apartment to another person if the property is shared with your spouse?” When a psychotherapist refuses to accept anxiety, talks about reality, appealing to the mind of a masochist, “does not include” the desire to save the client, the person feels inner anxiety and excitement, After all, you will have to face the consequences. However, here you need to clearly understand the moment when to influence the client’s feelings. If a sufficiently strong therapeutic alliance is not established, early or strong exposure may result in the person feeling criticized and blamed. However, it is difficult to convey sympathetic understanding and at the same time confront the client's actions. This art cannot be learned from textbooks. With experience, every caring specialist develops an intuitive sense of when to confront and when to apologize and support. In addition, the task of a psychotherapist is to be able to find and work through the irrational beliefs of a masochistic personality. Examples of such beliefs: - If I suffer enough, I will receive love. - The best way to deal with enemies is to show them that they are the aggressor. - The only reason anything good happened to me is because I punished myself enough. All These aspects are very important to clarify and work through with the client, but as an adult who can understand that these are false beliefs. The therapist's persistence in identifying irrational beliefs is often the most important therapeutic step. So, if you are not a therapist and your loved one has a masochistic personality type, what can you do for him?1. Show only