Very often I come across situations where women overly idealize a budding relationship with a man. In different variations, I hear something like: “People should show deep interest and respect for each other, and also greatly value relationships.” Indeed, the “engine” of correct actions and relationships should be love, genuine interest and mutual deep respect. As a result, loving people should come to serve each other because they consider it right, consider it their duty and they like it. This is a very high level, to which people, if they do, do not reach it very soon, and many cannot reach it at all in their entire lives. We can say that this is a kind of ideal in a relationship that is worth striving for. Married life in its correct form is, among other things, ridding oneself of selfishness. There is, however, a very important detail that greatly spoils the whole “picture.” Many women are sure that love, respect, the desire to understand and hear a person are everything this must be present initially, as a consequence of the fact that a man values ​​​​the relationship. And this is true when the relationship is already established. However, at the stage of their formation, the situation is somewhat different. What arises between a man and a woman initially is not love (in its true understanding). Formally, this can be called love, however, this is just a connection at a very low level, on energies of low quality. Unfortunately, there is often an opinion that strong feelings, a storm of emotions and passion that arise at the very beginning of a relationship are the true manifestation love and a sign that people will be able to build happy relationships. This is not true. I don’t want to say that such a start to a relationship makes it completely unpromising, but this is true in the vast majority of cases. When a relationship begins with an emotional extravaganza, when only one kind of partner takes your breath away, when there is a “pink fog” in your head, then this is an unfavorable start relationships. People who experience all this usually strive to quickly “consolidate” (in quotes) their newly established relationship with sex. Yes, they “consolidate” them, but the question is what will follow. Oddly enough, this is the impossibility of developing them further. After sex has happened, the relationship will not develop further the way it should develop to create a harmonious union. Yes, unity occurred on the physical level, however, 3 more levels were left behind ": intellectual, emotional and spiritual. And this couple will no longer be able to go through them all and build a reliable house of happy relationships. They will try to attach a roof to non-existent walls, and build walls on a non-existent foundation. Result: such relationships will fall apart with a probability close to 100% within a year and a half (or more often and earlier).Another problem here is the idealization of a partner, when, against the backdrop of strong emotions and sensual pleasures, we tend to consider the other person much more ideal than he actually is. This can be compared to purchasing, for example, a new car. When you've just bought it, the first few days you can't get enough of it - everything about it seems simply magnificent to you, from its appearance to the level of fuel consumption. However, one week passes, then another, and you begin to treat it as to what it should be. After some time, you already understand that this model has its own not-so-pleasant design features, there are certain shortcomings in the functions, and in general your car is not that wonderful - it’s the same as others. Then another month or two will pass, and you will already begin to look at other cars, turning over thoughts in your head about how best to sell this one and buy a new one, which now seems so ideal and perfect... And the circle closes. Idealization inevitably leads to disappointment, and it doesn’t matter whether you are buying a car or building a relationship with a man. Idealization is the confidence that you have found “the one.” Believing that youyou have found an exceptional person who will suit you perfectly. Yes, I really want to believe this, so women think of 70% of the good qualities of their new gentleman in order to bring him as close as possible to the ideal image that is stored in their head. And they are very good at thinking of them against the backdrop of violent emotional and physical experiences, however, this is a dead-end path that leads only to the next cycle “It’s time - they fell in love...”, from which after some time two victims are selected - a woman and a man. In fact, the most favorable scenario for The start is not crazy passion and strong affection, when the relationship is like a sprint with constant “consumption” of the partner, when everything is “sweet and smooth”. No. Another start is much more favorable - a calm “marathon”, with obstacles and difficulties, with misunderstandings and even conflicts. You will be surprised why this is so, but I will say: this is an excellent scenario for testing the seriousness of your feelings and intentions. When there is no fixation on the physical level, partners begin to have problems at other levels - intellectual, emotional and, ideally, spiritual. Such people understand that a relationship needs a foundation, and they are ready to build it, facing disagreements and eliminating them. These people get to know each other not as a source of pleasure and pleasant emotions - they check (consciously or not) other components of life that they will have to face if they decide to link their destinies and move on in life together. And at this time they can, as they say, “take a deep breath ", having experienced quite a lot of unpleasant moments. You will say: “Not very rosy...”, and I agree. However, this is extremely necessary, because it will allow people to understand whether they really need each other, whether they are ready to be together, whether their vision of life coincides, whether they are ready to invest in each other, etc. And, yes - that’s right , they may realize that they are not suitable for each other. And they will not get married on a wave of euphoria, when the marriage is not with a real person, but with an ideal mental image that is so strongly believed in. And there will not be another broken family that did not last even a year. And thanks to what? Thanks to the fact that difficulties showed them that they were not ready to be together, and they did not have time to make mistakes due to haste. And it happens even better. People, having gotten to know each other from all sides, understand that they are ready to be together until their very last day. They developed relationships over the course of a year or a year and a half and understand perfectly well what they will face when they record their relationship on paper. They saw different sides of their chosen ones and did not rely on the so-called “sexual compatibility” and strong positive emotions from their meetings. They understood that this is not the foundation that will hold their relationship together indefinitely, so they chose a different path, wanting to build not just a hut, but a full-fledged house that will not crumble at the first strong gust of wind. Such a union has an immeasurably higher chance of success for one simple reason: the lovers have already faced a number of problems, survived them and still retained the confidence that they should be together. Yes, difficulties also await them ahead, but they will not be an unexpected blow for them, to which they are completely are not ready. This is their advantage over those who got married without really knowing their partner. Over those who tried to connect their lives not with a real person, but with his ideal image. Over those who got married, having known only good things. Be careful when choosing a future spouse. Don't expect a man to immediately value the relationship, show deep respect and sincere interest in you. All this can happen as you get to know each other, and your task as a woman is to make sure that the man follows this path , and you were able to develop relationships the way you see them, showing the man the direction of movement. This is how you will take the right path. Sign up for consultations and