From the author: I conduct consultations, trainings, seminars, and psychological groups in Moscow. I lead with love and faith in People and the capabilities of the human Psyche. Yana was infuriated by her husband. No. Wrong. She was angry with him! Very angry? Well, how can I say... Is it common to be angry every second you spend next to a person? The rest of the time Yana was offended. For her husband, Yana literally lived by claims: she breathed them, ate them, bathed in them and presented them to the world. The whole World. With the exception of... her husband. And he was sure that she was happy with everything, which angered her even more. Her head and back hurt, she began to gain weight. But with superhuman efforts she hid both her anger and her grievances from him - claims. I saw the two of them: in her behavior, gaze, words, tone of voice there was not a hint of true feelings... The maximum was slight sadness and inhibition. But more often - a sun-like smile... To my question: - What will happen if you directly tell your husband that you are angry with him? Yana answered sharply: “No.” We won’t even talk about this... - Why? - Because if I say it straight, something terrible will happen!... - For example? - I don’t want to talk about this topic now...*** To this We accidentally returned to the topic later - after one meeting. In response to my question: is there anyone with whom she was angry or angry about the same as with her husband, Yana said: - I also hate people who think one thing, but say the same thing. do something else! Two-faced! My husband also says that he loves me, but he looks at everyone except me... - And who are these two-faced people? Those who think one thing, but say and do something else – are these specific people? I admit, I waited and was a little afraid that she meant herself, but no! She thought and, biting her lips, squeezed out: - This is my... grandmother... She lowered her gaze, clenched her jaw tightly and her skin was filled with red spots - from her cheeks, along her neck and down the collar of her blouse... ***When Yana was about five years old, her parents sent her to her grandmother. Her grandmother lived in a small southern town. For her fifty-odd years, she was very pretty, always confident, with an upright posture - they say about people like “she swallowed an arshin”! She was the leader of a local Cossack song ensemble and taught vocals at the regional music school. Her grandmother taught Yana to be polite, friendly and helpful to everyone, and she was literally obsessed with making little Yana a great opera singer. Yana, hungry for parental attention (they were always missing at work), at first she decided that she had finally found herself in a well-deserved children's paradise - and spent hours (at the age of five!) practicing vocals with her adored grandmother! But very soon Yana encountered some of her grandmother’s “buts.” When her grandmother talked to neighbors, acquaintances, colleagues, she was very polite and considerate, but immediately after saying goodbye and parting, it was as if grandmother was replaced: instead of the most amiable, most delicate woman, there was a sarcastic, bilious witch who threw mud at those with whom she had just communicated - she mocked them, she teased, retold the most ridiculous gossip and showered them with the most choice curses, even stomped and shook her fists, scaring Yana... And this happened every time! But the most offensive thing was that everyone, including preschool children, Yana’s new friends, fell under this skating rink. However, they very soon stopped being friends with her - for a reason incomprehensible to Yana: it seemed that the grandmother was firing at them FOR, and not IN THEIR eyes... Yana decided that they were simply jealous that she had a future as a great opera singer. And although she suffered without communication with her peers, she did so in silence. Not wanting to upset the housekeeper of her personal paradise...But one day Yana heard her grandmother telling something in the same vein as about everyone else, ABOUT HER - to her parents who came to visit...Paradise dimmed in an instant...The angel in the face of her grandmother fell. Yana didn't trust her anymore. Never and nothing... She desperately asked to go home to her parents. But they heard her only closer to the age of 12, when she began to openly fight with her grandmother. And she herself prayed for “this ungrateful” to be taken away from her. Soon, already at home, Yana saw that she was behaving... exactly the same asthe grandmother she hated... She didn’t see it herself. Mom once remarked to dad that Yana had become just like his mother - she discussed everyone behind their backs, but in front of them - she was kindness itself! To which Yana flared up and shouted that she hated her grandmother! And parents! For giving her to this terrible woman! She ran out of the house and returned closer to the night... She, of course, was at first blown away, then they hugged her guiltily for a long time, lulled her to sleep... And then her father told her that he did not accept many things about his mother, but could not judge her. And no one can...***At the age of 11, the fascists drove away a smart, lively, savvy girl from a small southern Russian town, along with a third of the population, to Germany. They transported her like cattle. Without light. No amenities. Without food. Without hope. On the road, one elderly woman fed her. And not only fed her. They sang together. Although they swore, grumbled, cursed at them. - There is always a time and place for music! – this woman stubbornly said, “We must hold on.” The rest came later. And they sang... And somehow they learned a song in two voices: one of the prisoners shared with them, when he heard it, some of his edible crumbs, and then someone who became emotional shared more... Perhaps only therefore - because they fed them - when they were brought and released from the carriage, she did not faint, like her elderly benefactor who walked ahead... The fate of those who fell or simply did not walk very firmly was a foregone conclusion. They were immediately rejected and herded into one doomed flock - those who needed to be gotten rid of quickly. Useless ballast. The 11-year-old girl, with a half-wave of the guard's machine gun, with a half-glance of her fall, realized that she had to hold on - however she liked, but hold on. If only they wouldn’t be considered ballast. The girl straightened up sharply, stretched her neck, with an effort of will she spread her legs more confidently and - just in case! – she literally beamed with a happy smile when she walked past the officers distributing the new arrivals. And most importantly: quietly, but so that they could hear, she began to sing under her breath - the same song that they sang with two voices falling on the way, and... She was noticed! It was impossible not to notice her radiant smile! She was heard! It was impossible not to hear her voice, already gaining depth! Compared to those who fell - from hunger, from weakness - and in the next 24 hours ended their lives in the gas chamber, including her duet friend, life presented her with a brilliant future! One of the officers distributing the flow of prisoners took a young smiling songbird as a nanny for his children - he wanted good lullabies to be sung to them and their ear for music would develop... The children were intolerable, and so were the owners. Especially the owner. He already tried to climb in there several times , where it shouldn’t be, but fortunately, someone was always nearby - either the children, or the housewife, or the cook... However, no matter how difficult, disgusting and unbearable it was, the girl never gave any sign that anything was wrong ... She always beamed with a smile, often hummed something - to please those around her ... She was tormented by headaches and sometimes unbearable back pain. But she held on. I was learning new songs... - There is always a time and place for music! – she said... – We must hold on. The rest comes later. This “rest” appeared by chance: one day the girl found herself alone in the servants’ room and accidentally broke a cup... A sharp pain pierced her head like an arrow. She imagined the hostess's gaze and her back rounded by itself, and her shoulders ached from an incomprehensible heaviness. She rushed towards the brush, but suddenly stopped. The image of the hostess could not leave her head - she shook her head several times, trying to get the vision out of her head. But it didn't go away! And then she... cursed dirtyly at this haunting image out loud, then louder, then almost shouting curses, then, imitating her, walked around the room, passing the fragments, shaking her finger at them, then, introduced the cook and did the same thing... She cursed, teased, shouted something... Then she burst out laughing... Then she burst into tears... And then... suddenly she discovered that her head did not hurt at all, and her shoulders (for the first time in a year!) relaxed... The girl glanced briefly in the mirror -.