Sometimes people turn to a psychologist for advice, overcome by guilt for literally everything - the behavior of children, spouses, relatives, colleagues, and it seems that there is no area in which they would not be “responsible for everything.” Today I propose to take a more careful look at this feeling and use recommendations for overcoming it: 1) Learn to distinguish toxic guilt from real guilt: real guilt, as a rule, can be made up for, because it arises as a result of violating specific agreements, committing misconduct (being late, forgetting, speaking rashly etc.), is resolved by recognition (“I am guilty”) and compensation to the “victim” (moral, material). Toxic guilt is chronic when a person is guilty automatically (for example, based on the idea of ​​one’s own omnipotence, “badness,” unwillingness to recognize the contribution of another to what happened, etc.), and admitting a mistake and correcting it does not lead to restoring balance in relationships (who Some may remain forever offended, while others may remain forever guilty). 2) It is important to separate guilt and responsibility as the ability to predict the consequences of one’s actions and be responsible for them. This can be done by asking yourself a series of questions: what am I really responsible for (in this relationship, at this job, etc.), where are the boundaries of my zone of influence, and what specifically are others responsible for. The division of responsibility protects against the manipulation of guilt, when this feeling is instilled by others specifically in the hope of getting something from you. 3) There is also guilt in front of oneself for not conforming to one’s own ideal image, the “best version of oneself,” then it is embodied in the usual reproaches of oneself address (“I should have thought about this earlier,” “how could I have made such a mistake,” etc.), which are essentially self-shaming. In such cases, awareness of the meaninglessness of such depleting mental chewing gum leads to the restoration of a sufficient level of mental energy to search for a way out of the situation. You may get the impression that guilt is a painful feeling and not a very good one, and it would be much better without it at all. However, the ability to feel guilt, critically reflect on our words and behavior, the ability to apologize and compensate for damage makes us people capable of maintaining warm and adequate relationships with others. Article prepared for the channel Psychologist in touch: parents about children and more | Zen (dzen.ru)