From the author: In my experience: one of the biggest pains of clients is that their parents (usually the mother, as the most significant and influential person in life) show them that they - their children - are the biggest disappointment in their lives. And they do not accept either themselves, their choices, or the life they have built - their children. No, of course, they will never say THAT (directly). More precisely, with such a SPECIFICALLY DESTROYING, shamelessly truthful formulation - you, they say, are my biggest disappointment. No. It will be an eloquent look, a meaningful gesture, worth 10 sentences “M-yes-a-aaaa...” And... that’s it. You’ve got it. You’re 8 or 68 - self-esteem, carefully built over “years of struggle”, falls at a speed of g = 9.80665 m/s². And - following self-esteem - life begins to stagger. And what to do? I don’t know. Choose. 1. DEVALUATE. They (parents) don’t understand anything. In your life or life in general. It works. Minus - if they don’t understand anything, and you are their “work”, you, too, are somewhere...mmm...unintelligent? The subconscious mind means this! And takes revenge...2. PRETEND. What does it mean to you – that your parents don’t accept you – doesn’t bother you. The downside is that you are choking on the tension from the feeling of inferiority imposed by your parents, you will take it out on the weak members of the family – the children. And what do they have to do with it? 3. EDUCATE (for those who are very patient). If your parent has never been your friend, but you really want to communicate with him heart to heart and have at least the appearance of being accepted by your parents, you have a chance. I know those who, After spending ten years, they finally taught their parents to look into their eyes, listen calmly and - oh, miracle! - sometimes, say warm, supportive words. But with what nerves... 4. (O) ARGUE. “Mom, you treat me badly.” “Dad, I’m tired of your irony about my choice (husband, work, friends...) “Etc. Sorry, teenagers argue with their parents. If you again - perhaps unnoticed by yourself - have taken this slippery path - alas, you are stuck in the teenage phase, no, not development - relationships with parents. When you need to prove, explain and defend something. This means that you need the APPROVAL (ACCEPTANCE) of your parents so much that you are ready to pay for it, even with your own PSYCHOLOGICAL FREEDOM. Expensive price, right? But, in reality, an adult does not argue, foaming at the mouth. He does not is looking for “mother’s breast to suck milk.” He copes without his mother. If you argue harshly, you still can’t cope without your mother. Without her “milk” = acceptance. In terms of parents, arguing means BEGGING for their approval. Begging for the legal RIGHT to live as YOU need. Almost on your knees. Therefore, in this case, self-esteem falls at an even faster rate. Wounding you fragments of both you and those around you. Alas.5. What about an adult (an independent person)? He (s) EXPRESSES HIS OPINION AND CALMLY ACTS TO ITS NON-ACCEPTANCE BY ANY PERSON, be it a parent, husband, wife, friend or anyone else. And he is equally sensitive to the manifestation of someone else’s, including parental, dissatisfaction, ignoring, devaluation and attempts at humiliation. His self-esteem DOESN'T DEPEND whether the person he is talking to strokes or kicks them. They are calm. But where are they, these adults? Sometimes it seems to me that we live in a society of teenagers: 10, 20, 30, 40, 50... So many of us prove everything to our parents that they are “not junk”... Sometimes, even when the parents are no longer there... But all is not lost. If only because we laugh at ourselves: “In Odessa, on cigarette packs it is written: “Mommy.” finds out - he will kill».