There are such “wonderful” relationships where there are only two alternating poles: either everything is wonderful (for example, a person feels very loved, chosen, the very best, any desires are fulfilled, romantic surprises are arranged) or everything bad (silence, ignoring, having hobbies on the side, assault, emotional abuse, blackmail, etc.). It's like riding a train with only 2 possible stops, either in the cold or in the heat. Everything else can be observed from the window, but you won’t be able to go out and experience everything yourself. Or how, with all the diversity of the world, you can live in only 2 cities: in one you bathe in luxury, in the other there is appalling poverty, and you never know at what moment you will be thrown out of luxury into the cold. Over time, you no longer notice that most of the time you live in extreme need and exhaustion, remembering how good it was to live in abundance and abundance, hoping that someday you will find yourself there again, because you have already been there, maybe it’s worth a little more wait, be patient, and poverty will be replaced by untold wealth? In such couples there is no smooth communication without differences, respect, stability, support, confidence in the partner, trust, and love (it is not there, no matter what anyone says or swears). But there is a lot of resentment, understatement, aggression, fear, dependence, destructiveness and other not-so-great content. It is common to have alcohol or other types of addictions. All this is reinforced at the physiological level. Constant internal tension and life in stress lead to increased work of organs. The “fight” or “flight” strategy is not suitable, and it is impossible to relax, because this is not a relationship where you can relax. There is a saying about a cask of honey and a fly in the ointment, but if you are in such a relationship, it does not really convey the bitterness of the situation. It’s rude, but that’s how it is: imagine a spoonful of crap in a barrel of very expensive honey, the concentration seems to be small, but you know that this is not pure honey, will you eat it? And then they add more crap, you can only convince yourself that the taste seems okay, and find other rational excuses, like not pouring out the whole barrel, you paid dearly. But you are not chained to this barrel. Arguments often arise inside like “how can I leave him, this is a betrayal”, “I will leave, and my wife will not let me see the children”, “it is wrong to cancel the wedding the day before”, “everyone will think that I’m bad,” “well, I didn’t like this behavior right away, but he doesn’t seem to hit me yet, if he hits me, I’ll leave right away,” “well, he hit me, but then he apologized, and it was clear that he was in a lot of pain,” “ we just have to wait and everything will change,” “if we had children, everything would be different.” Internal sensations do not need reinforcement from the mind. A person feels this way and that’s enough. "How will I explain my departure?" A simple “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore” is enough. Everyone remembers the beautiful quotes “if you need to explain, then don’t explain,” this is exactly the case. If it doesn’t immediately dawn on a person that they don’t need to yell at you, don’t swing at you or hit you, don’t need to emotionally pressure, blackmail, or insult you, do you want to write him detailed instructions? He won’t follow anyway. If you feel that something is wrong, you don’t have to prove at the cost of your life that you are no worse than others and that a strong family is possible, etc. Children who grew up in such families do not see normal human relationships and for family life they will choose an inadequate partner. Nothing justifies emotional or physical abuse. No “I’m just stressed at work”, “You dedicate yourself entirely to the children”, “If only we lived in a bigger apartment”, “If I had a lot of money, I would be kinder”, etc. It is useless to look at what type of personality organization this is and how you can learn to manage it so that there is less anger, aggression, outbursts of rage, attacks, humiliation, etc. Admit to yourself that nothing in the world will change this person, and he himself does not want to change and will not change..