From the author: I continue to publish fragments of the book “How to save a family or when is it better to get a divorce” - how and why a family is createdHow and why a family is created?And Before we move on to the problems of family destruction, let's also talk about how and why families are created. After all, if you started a family, you did it for some reason. Where does the wedding procession usually go? Fortunately. But everyone has their own idea of ​​a happy marriage. Let's list the most common expectations of newlyweds. A family is needed for procreation, sexual satisfaction, solving everyday and material problems, receiving moral support, gaining an approved social status and, accordingly, getting rid of flawed labels such as “old maid”, “divorcee”, etc. .In primitive tribes, the tasks of the family looked simple and, as Margaret Mead argued, the main thing for them was to get food and raise children, and then be free: sing songs, weave baskets, draw... A modern family is like a business project. There is a leader in it - formal or informal, there are associates-partners, there are performers, and there are anti-leaders-opponents, uninitiated quitters and other harmful elements. And the tasks of the family are by no means limited to self-reproduction and raising children. Successful families have a strategy, long-term, medium-term and short-term plans, a verified budget, a code of honor, taboos, etc. What does a woman want when getting married? A woman expects her husband to be both obedient and independent, to receive a lot of money, to be engaged in a successful business and to be in the “visibility zone”, to have a strong shoulder to lean on and to be soft and sincere. To have good sexual potency and not go to the left. That is, he must have a lot of advantages, but they, these advantages must be controlled, manageable and accessible only to her. Remember as in the song: So that he does not drink, does not smoke, And always gives flowers. He gave his salary to the house and called his mother-in-law mom. He was indifferent to football, but he was not bored in company. And besides, he should be both handsome and smart. A man also wants to get the same ideally controlled wife, especially since his sense of ownership is even more developed. And it happens that a man, according to Oswald Spengler, when getting married, chooses not a life partner, but a mother for his child, and when she does not live up to these hopes, their family is automatically destroyed. I had a client - smart, beautiful, kind, with a good sense of humor, taste, in general, the very embodiment of all feminine virtues... except one. She had love with a man who at one time sought her affection for a long time. They got married, and after many unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant, she received her terrible diagnosis of a gynecological disease. To timid offers to adopt a child, the husband responded with a decisive refusal. And literally a week later he “stopped loving” her and filed for divorce... Many families are created by people who are not psychologically separated from their previous parental families, who did not identify themselves as a free, self-sufficient person. And they jump from one family to another under the influence of an unconscious fear of loneliness, a feeling of defenselessness and helplessness. And it is this phobia that is one of the common incentives for starting a new family. If in a family only one of the spouses has this phobia, then the couple has a chance to build a normal relationship in which one automatically takes on the role of a leader, the other a follower. But if both have this phobia, then there are several options for the development of their relationship. A struggle begins between them for the forced or voluntary “appointment” of someone responsible for the family, and giving him responsibilities, while the other should get exclusively the rights that he will defend in every possible way. I always start from the idea that marriage is when there are two scapegoats from different families come together. "He" was sent from his own family to