From the author: published on the website Neurotics are very dependent on the opinions of others - on how they evaluate their behavior. Their desire to please other people takes on such an exaggerated form that they try to please absolutely everyone. All this is expressed in the extreme lack of independence of a person, in his inability to make responsible decisions and assume obligations. Because of this, neurotics do not develop relationships with people, despite the fact that they try to please everyone. Their low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence also manifest themselves in the fact that it is difficult for them to achieve any success in life, to start and finish an important task. Sometimes neurotics try to hide their character traits and go to the other extreme - they begin to demonstrate deliberately confident behavior and hyperactivity. However, this also does not improve their life: they consider themselves competent in all matters, and this is far from reality. Because of such self-confidence, they often make stupid mistakes, which ultimately lead to the same lack of self-acceptance, or to anger at the whole world. Thus, a neurotic can oscillate between two polar roles: at one point in time he is a narcissistic egoist, at another he is a whiner who feels his insignificance. Psychologist Aaron Beck even compiled a very funny and, at the same time, very accurate “code of the complete neurotic.” It includes a number of attitudes and thoughts that spin in the head of every person faced with similar mental problems: ● I must overcome any difficulties easily and with complete self-control; ● I must be the most generous, tactful, noble, courageous, selfless and beautiful ;● I should be an ideal lover, friend, parent, teacher/student, spouse;● I should never suffer; I must always be happy and serene.● I must understand, know and predict everything;● I must never experience fatigue and pain.● I must always be at the peak of efficiency;● I must always control myself and manage my emotions; ● I must be able to instantly find a solution to any problem; ● I must always consider myself guilty, because I have no right to hurt anyone; Not bad, right? The key word in each of these phrases is the word “should” - it is this word that, in the verbal sense, entangles the neurotic in a network of various obligations and demands. Who and when inspired them is no longer important; the only thing that matters is that now everything is passed through the neurotic through the prism of these thoughts. And if you want to fill your life with anxiety and suffering, all you need to do is add a couple of “I shoulds” into it. This does not mean that a person cannot have any responsibilities. However, if you look closely at each item on the list, it will become clear that not one of them is impossible to implement. You cannot always be perfect or know everything, and if so, then such an attitude can bring nothing but pain and humiliation. Is it possible to somehow fight your own neurotic thoughts? Certainly! As a rule, they are brought into our consciousness from the outside by someone significant. In order for such an attitude to stop influencing your life, you need to first track it, that is, realize that such a formula exists. Then try to remember who told you something similar and when: to do this, you need to focus on the voice in your head that says something in tune with the neurotic thought, and understand who it belongs to. Once you realize this, it will be easier for you to subject the attitude to critical, rational analysis and transform it into something more real and positive. Neurotic thoughts can significantly ruin your life, and if you begin to notice their influence on yourself, then it is better to seek help from a qualified specialist. Remember, you have the right to happiness, but for this you need to take the first step towards it.