From the author: The article was published in the magazine "Ptz" in 2013 WHAT SHOULD CHILDREN BE PROTECTED FROM? June 1 is International Children's Day. In this regard, in the June issue I propose to discuss what, in my opinion, is a very important question - what should we protect our children from? We will not touch upon issues of ensuring the physical safety of the child, but will talk about the attitude and actions of parents aimed at caring for and protecting children from “dangerous” aspects/prospects of life. And, let me just say, parents in our culture excel at “protecting”, sometimes doing it too long and excessively... Most of us (as parents) need to learn to trust, accept, believe and separate ourselves from our children. Actually, what is this all about?... Let's figure it out... The desire to take care of and protect your child from adversity is the instinct of any normal parent. And this is completely justified biologically when we are talking about a newborn and a toddler. However, in order for a person (anyone - small, growing, or already an adult) to develop, he needs to satisfy two deep psychological needs: the need for support (care, care, acceptance) and the need for freedom (independence, loneliness, choice). And it is very important for parents to understand that as the child grows up, both the balance and the way these needs are met changes... And, in fact, if we (parents) want to protect our child, we must make sure that he becomes strong without us so that he stops needing us. In psychology they say that a child, growing up, “becomes his own parent.” And, if this happens, we (as parents) can consider our parental duty fulfilled. The task is paradoxical, but the only one that is psychologically healthy. Parental love, unlike other types of love, is aimed not at bringing closer together, but at moving away (and this does not mean that children are forever “cut off” from their parents; in a healthy development of events, it’s the other way around: if parents don’t prevent their own children from growing up, then between They have warm, equal relationships). So, returning to the needs of support and freedom. When a child is small, how is parental support and protection expressed? First, in reality - in physical support: we hold the baby in our arms, by the hand, on our knees, then we secure him on a slide, bicycle, skates, etc. We tell him what to do and what not to do (because it is dangerous) - and The child, in general, believes us. How do we satisfy his need for freedom? We allow you to climb where, in our opinion, it is not dangerous; play with something that doesn’t prick or cut. And already at an early age it is necessary to establish the right balance of restrictions = care and choice = freedom. Many parents ask: “At what age can you offer your child a choice?” Yes, at the very earliest. Even if for now it will be such an imaginary choice (well, for example, between one healthy porridge and another healthy porridge) - let the child make it himself! In this way we gradually teach him to make decisions - that is, to HANDLE FREEDOM. But the ability to use freedom is the main skill that allows an adult to protect himself (i.e., make the right decisions for himself). What happens next? As the child grows up, he gradually occupies (or conquers, in different ways in different families) more and more psychological territory. That is, he is ready to decide more and more on his own or, conversely, not decide at all (which, by the way, is also his choice). And here it is very important for parents to understand the following: not only the balance of needs has changed: it seems that now the child/teenager needs more freedom and less care. This is not entirely true. Yes, we definitely need more freedom. But the grown-up child now understands care differently. Caring for a teenager is not “put on a hat, it’s cold!”, but showing respect, accepting his interests, believing in him as a person and recognizing the right to be who he is. Usually, when we talk about teenagers, we teach parents to give their child more freedom, less!