From the author: This article is for the “consulting” section, but there is no such section. I would not like to combine psychotherapy, which deals with sick patients, and counseling. Therefore - the “other” section. Who, when and why turns to a psychologist. I describe only my experience. I know that the picture of clients and the list of issues on which people seek help are somewhat different among my colleagues. This is natural because psychologists, when introducing themselves, usually outline the range of issues with which they love and know how to work. A psychologist who positions himself as a specialist “on all life issues for everyone” evokes distrust or an ironic smile. We develop a certain differentiation, depending on the psychological school, methods of work and the social group with whose representatives we are dealing. Most people successfully achieve their goals and cope with the tasks that life sets for them. Of course, we all want it to be a little better, a little bigger and a little easier. And this is not a reason to contact a specialist with the prefix psi-. We are constantly faced with situations that do not meet our expectations. And the natural feelings in this case: confusion, frustration, anger, disappointment, depression - after a while they are replaced by the desire to act, hope and faith that next time everything will be different. But sometimes something happens in life for which we are completely unprepared, and the situation as a whole, our own emotional state and behavior get out of control. Or, on the contrary, nothing happens except fatigue, irritability, anxiety, fears and general dissatisfaction that come from nowhere, and in this case one’s own behavior and emotional state go out of control. Sometimes the problem is not clearly formulated, but there is a general painful feeling of displeasure and dissatisfaction. Being in a state of dreary and joyless uncertainty, a person begins to engage in what I call for myself, “a frantic search for a preliminary diagnosis.” These are conversations with friends, relatives, reading books and similar stories on the Internet - it’s as if a person is trying on someone else’s experience. When the thought arises of going to a psychologist, it means that a “preliminary diagnosis” has appeared! It sounds in expanded form something like this: “I don’t understand what’s happening to me, what’s the reason for this state of affairs, but I have a problem, that’s for sure. I need to figure myself out. A psychologist can help me with this, because psychologists exist for people like me, modern, smart and rational thinkers. When I know the reason for my unsatisfactory state, I will be able to correct the situation.” Our clients, partly unconsciously, seem to be answering questions to themselves: What is my problem? What's wrong with me? What is the reason for this situation? What help do I need? Who and how helps people like me cope with a problem like mine? If the answers to these questions are more or less determined, then the person goes in the chosen direction, where he receives help and support, changes himself and changes his attitude towards the world, and learns something new. A person who is not a psychologist is not very well versed in the differences between psychological approaches and psychotherapeutic methods, and he does not need it. But he has an idea of ​​the nature of the problem that has arisen, and he understands well which social group to classify himself in. These two criteria determine who a person in need of help from a “specialist in his soul” will go to - a psychiatrist, a psychotherapist, a psychologist, a psychic, a grandmother-healer, a church, a friend with a bottle of wine, ... insert your choice. A psychologist is approached by people whose picture of the world includes a psychologist as a positive character who successfully helps healthy people in difficult life situations. Of course, a bank employee who opens a loan for a large amount is also a positive character who helps people indifficult life situation. But, a person who turns to a psychologist knows that his well-being and quality of life depend not only on the external circumstances developing around him, but also on what we call the inner world. Our beliefs, values, expectations, preferences determine the perception of a problem that may or may not be a problem for someone else. And the skills of self-regulation and communication determine well-being and successful adaptation to constantly changing social conditions. I meet such people, who believe in the ability of psychology to help them find the desired comfort in their souls, in consultations. Most often I work with women from 18 to 35 years old. Less often I see men from 25 to 40, and even less often – couples. And I have never been approached by women over 50 or men over 40. The women who come to me are attractive, smart and educated, they have good jobs, and, of course, they have had experience in relationships with men. And they don't really like this experience. For men, too, the main issue is the issue of relationships with the opposite sex. Both men and women read literature on popular psychology and tried to use the advice of psychologists, sometimes successfully. The second most frequently asked question concerns self-regulation. It sounds like this: I don’t know how to cope with anger, jealousy, melancholy, fear, irritability, etc. I can’t plan my time, organize myself to finally do something important, I can’t get distracted or, on the contrary, I can’t concentrate, I can’t get rid of a habit... etc. It is obvious to me that these unwanted “bad” destructive states themselves do not exist, they are a reaction to “wrong” erroneous communication. But my clients often already have their own opinion on the causes of the problem and a vision of how to eliminate it. Here’s a short summary of who turns to a psychologist and in what case. Now the question is: Why does a person come for a consultation? What does he expect from visiting a psychologist? I ask my clients about this. And often this turns out to be the most difficult question. In the first session, after establishing some contact with the person, I always say: “Imagine that you are seeing an excellent specialist who is excellent at working with problems like yours. Our session is over. You return to your business. What has changed in your life so that you can say to yourself: yes! I was able to take advantage of the knowledge and experience of this psychologist. The consultation was very useful." And my client answers something like this: “I will feel better, less nervous, we will stop quarreling (for example, if the person came with the problem of constant conflicts with a loved one), I will be calmer (if the person complained of anxiety), well and so on. If a person has already outlined his problem, then for him the natural answer to the question of what will change after the consultation will be the answer: the problem will disappear. I will now illustrate my words with a generalized example of a dialogue that almost always occurs at the first consultation. And you would answer the same if you asked yourself a similar question about what would change in your life after visiting a “good” psychologist. I assume that a person is clear what it means for him to “be less nervous and feel better,” because this is his life, his circumstances. But it's not clear to me. And then I suggest: “Let’s be very specific, what, how and in what situation has changed?” Here the client leans back and takes a long pause. It turns out that it is not entirely clear to him that the image of the bright desired future is foggy and uncertain. The image is bright, but hazy. It is much easier to say what I don’t want than to determine what I want. So, a person has a problem, or something that he identifies as a problem, and he wants to get rid of it, and he knows that a psychologist can help him. How and by what means does a person suppose he could get rid of the problem? There are several options here. I distinguish them by the structure of the question.The content of the questions, as I said above, revolves around relationships with the opposite sex and the ability to control one’s own emotions. What else could it be!? The first option is the most common. Search for the cause and the desire to understand. Even 10 years ago there was an opinion that a psychologist is the one who gives advice, but a psychotherapist treats. They went to a psychologist for advice: What to do with the child so that he listens? What should I do with my husband so that he doesn’t leave? Etc. Nowadays, psychologists themselves often talk and write about the fact that they do not give advice, but, in the figurative expression of one of the greats, “hold a lantern held high while the client wanders through the labyrinth of his own soul.” And today’s client comes to wander through the nooks and crannies of his own soul, and not for advice. He says: “I came (came) to understand myself and my situation. Understand. What is happening, what is the reason? Am I doing the right thing? Why is this happening to me? A person believes that by understanding the cause, he will be able to eliminate the problem. “Wanderings and showdowns” often turn out to be very painful. When we look into our soul and into our past, we are very strict and demanding. What secret bad desires do you have? What did you do wrong? What mistakes did you make in relation to your parents, children, loved ones? Who offended you undeservedly? When have you acted stupid? Why did you trust the unworthy? It's your fault, that's why this happened to you! And these questions and memories make the person feel so sorry for himself that he cries. Men and women cry, embarrassed by their tears, then feel relieved. Some people judge the effectiveness of a session by the number of tears shed, which means they dug deep and got to the bottom of it, good. I don't think this is good. Tears are not an indicator of effective work. After them it becomes easier, that’s true, but it’s also true that you have to move on. Understanding is worthless if it does not lead to change. You can try, looking into your own depths, to ask yourself: “What and how have I done good and important that I could be proud of?” This is another question that puzzles the client for a long time. Do I give advice? Yes, very simple. And I call them homework. Only by doing our own homework do we learn to truly do something new. This is true of any skill, whether we are talking about the ability to solve problems in mathematics, or the ability to cope with the challenges of life - unrealistic expectations, loss, conflicts, emotional outbursts, etc. The second option is what I call: “How can I achieve this?” , what do I want?” “How can I survive all this? How to make the right decision? How to stop thinking, remembering, being jealous, being afraid? How to find your other half?” - a person has set a goal for himself, is confident in his ability to achieve it, but does not see a way to achieve the goal, and believes that a psychologist can help him with this. A specific question, and perhaps a long search for an answer. There are no ready answers for everyone. The third option. The client did not come to study, as in the previous case, but to be treated. It must be said that people go for treatment, first of all, to doctors, psychiatrists or psychotherapists. Having received a prescription from a doctor, a person buys a medicine, and, after reading a terrible annotation with a list of diseases for which this medicine is used and side effects from use, he thinks something like: “Oh, no, this is not about me and not for me ! I don't want to get hooked on pills. I'll try something different. I’ll go see a psychologist, maybe it will help.” And he or she turns to a psychologist for psychotherapy, that is, expecting treatment, but not with pills, but with words. Sometimes the stage of visiting a doctor is skipped, but still people, reasoning in this way, come, hoping for treatment. Often they have already made a preliminary diagnosis for themselves, which sounds solid: neurasthenia, OCD, panic attacks, phobia or something else from the psychiatrists’ dictionary. "I feel very bad! Do something to me,” they say. They don’t like to do homework, but they go regularly and rarely miss sessions. I can.