HOW TO REFUSE A CHILD - Mom, can I go for a walk? - You can’t! - Why? - Because I said so! Do you remember this picture from your childhood? Can you remember your feelings? Confusion, resentment, misunderstanding, irritation, sometimes even anger and anger. And why? Firstly, because you didn't receive an explanation. Secondly, because my mother clearly built a status hierarchy: “I am the boss, you are the subordinate.” You must do as I said. Such parental answers as “do it without talking!”, “because you have to,” “because I know better,” “you can’t and that’s all” not only hurt the child, they demonstrate disrespect for the child and parental reluctance to take the child’s place. A reasonable parent reading these lines will probably notice: “But what can we do? Allow the child to do whatever he wants? Of course not. Respect of parents for a child also implies the reverse order, that is, respect of the child for his parents. Parents, of course, should not forget about themselves: their desires, their needs. Therefore, let's look at examples of constructive interaction and correct refusal. Example 1. A child asks to read/play, but you can’t right now. Of course, the easiest way to answer is: “Can’t you see that I’m busy?” But it can be done differently. Squat down in front of him, hug, kiss and say: “Son, I really want to play with you. But now I definitely need to cook dinner. After all, we will soon have dinner and it will be bad if we have nothing to eat. Come on, help me, wash the potatoes, and then we’ll play.” In such cases, try not to send the child away (“play alone, and then ...”), but somehow occupy him so that he is next to you. Don't be afraid to keep your child busy. Even a two-year-old can use a plastic knife to cut vegetables, wash vegetables, dry dishes, and get them out of the dishwasher, not to mention an older child. Even if a child breaks something, there will be more benefit than harm, because he will spend this time with you. Example 2. A child asks for candy. The harshest refusal that you can imagine sounds something like this: “I also want a lot of things!”, “If I want it, I don’t want it too much!”, “You never know what you want!” Such a refusal seems to tell the child: “You and your desires are not important.” Let's try to soften the refusal. This can be done by showing your child that you care about him: “Son, I really want to please you, but it’s harmful to eat a lot of sweets. Let me give you an apple." The child may not like this option. and you probably have repeatedly tried to refuse your child in this way, but without much success. Yes, this happens too. The child has the right to be offended and upset. But just like your right to refuse a child. In addition, you can use humor. For example, you could say, “If I could, I would buy you as much candy as you want. A thousand! No, ten thousand! Or even a whole truckload of candy! How much do you want? But, you know, unfortunately, it won’t work out that way. It is harmful to eat a lot of sweets. So let's replace the candies with dried fruits or regular fruits. Example 3. The child does not want to go to bed and asks to watch TV a little more. I think you already guess that the option “I said sleep, that means sleep” is not the best? You can distract your child and share your experiences with him: “You know, when I was little, I also really didn’t like going to bed. And I asked my mother to sit with me. Let me also sit with you, tell you a fairy tale or read you a book?” What does this give to the child? Understanding that I am not alone, that my mother understands me, that my mother herself was in a similar situation. And these are important words of support that the child so needs. There are no exact, only true words. There is no single recipe that would suit everyone. But every mother can intuitively find for her child the words he needs.