From the author: Today we will talk about the “practical implementation” of negative self-definitions that arise in a person as a result of traumatic experience. Today we will talk about the “practical implementation” of negative self-definitions that arise in a person as a result of traumatic experiences. The people discussed below are jokingly called "thirty-three misfortunes." For those who still remember “The Cherry Orchard,” this is Petya, who “fell down the stairs” in the final scene. Everything is wrong with them: sometimes I’ll hit a bump, sometimes I’ll sprain my ankle, sometimes I’ll run into crooks, sometimes I’ll miss the train, sometimes I’ll break a cup... The “octopus of injury” has the longest tentacles. The violence happened a LONG time ago. And the consequences are here they are, HERE AND NOW. Let's see? Client case: A girl grew up in a family where her father suffered from alcoholism. Of course, he wasn’t the only one who “suffered”; his wife and daughter suffered. Screams, drunken fights, tears. Since childhood - fear and beatings, expectation of trouble, punishment - no one knows for what, for what caught my eye... And this went on for a very long time, and no matter how hard my mother tried, she could not protect her. Until, finally, the father died. Life has become easier - without fear, without the eternal readiness to hide, to be invisible. But life smiled at her. Graduated from school and technical college. I met a man. Kind, good. Not a drinker - yes, yes. But...There is no peace in the house. Her love gives way to tears, doubts, suspicions. Endless: “Do you really love me?” Frequent tears “for no reason.” Hundreds of messages in all imaginable and inconceivable social networks. networks. Undeserved reproaches for trifles - and the husband, patient as a stone, explodes: “What do you want? You’ve exhausted my whole soul!” - result: a showdown, screaming, tears... and.... She calms down. We sort it out together, in consultation. The frequency of these “quarrels” is known. About once every two weeks. It used to be more common. The woman’s behavior is provocative. She herself, with her own hands, incites this scandal. In the course of work, we discover one of the negative self-definitions of the client, literally “hammered” into her by her father: “I don’t deserve anything good. Therefore, the good that I have now cannot be mine. Probably , this is someone else’s, and I need to be punished for it.” And who can punish me? There is no father. The substitute figure is the husband. But since he is calm, good-natured, phlegmatic, he must be properly brought to the boiling point. He won't hit you, but at least he'll scold you. Then - scandal, tears, requests for forgiveness, reconciliation... Not for long. Another case. Girl, 18 years old. Young, airy, in love...What else, live and be happy! But now my mother is sick. Thank God, not fatally, but for a long, long time. But here it should be noted that our heroine was taught to empathize from childhood. To the fullest. That is, they taught to immerse themselves in the pain of someone who is now feeling unwell. Each new meeting with us began with the words: “I’m doing well, just... - I went to visit, it was great there - but I really broke my knee on the corner of the table. - I went to the skating rink with friends, we skated, laughed, and after - my leg cramped so much... that they led me home by the arms... - I was invited on a date, and we wandered around the city so well... that in the evening I got sick , caught a cold, had a fever....- everything is fine, only after a walk I accidentally cut my hand - I was making a salad, the knife was sharp... Yes, it was great on a walk! And here there is a negative self-determination, it looks harmless, but is quite “poisonous” - "I am unworthy, immoral. I can’t be happy while someone is suffering." And here my mother is suffering. And for every second of joy, you definitely have to punish yourself. Preferably, traumatize yourself. "The toxicity" of this self-determination also lies in the fact that our heroine was taught to think "in planetary scale" - about people "in general" - that is, in principle, she had no chance to be happy. Another example: - Male, 45 years old. A successful specialist, works a lot, makes great money. But ... everything he earns goes away to pay off “randomly arising” expenses. - I am very afraid when they give a bonus at work. Some kind of trouble is sure to happen:17,