From the author: Stages of Family Therapy When working with families, the most important thing to remember is that the client's initial request does not always reflect his basic need. Suppose a family makes a request - to teach a child to fall asleep (and do other vital things) on his own, it seems that “everything is simple” - we give certain recommendations - the parents follow them and in the end everyone is happy. But it is possible that in this particular family the solution will be to somehow address the issue of intimacy, the intimacy of parents (we are not talking about sex, although adults should think about that too). It is especially important to remember here that in this case the client is not an individual person, the client is the entire family. Not an individual person who does not want to sleep separately and around whom all family resources are concentrated, but the whole family. There can be many reasons for this behavior (of an individual family member), from the current internal state and state of health and problems at school (at work) to historical events in the family (possibly parental) - and this must be investigated by the psychologist and the client (family). By changing individual elements, we change the state of the entire family system. And what is important here is the client’s desire to look at the situation in detail, see the crisis points and make efforts to overcome them. The psychologist in this case is an assistant on this exciting journey. He, as a guide, first shows the family “attractions” - the strengths of the family - its determination to cope with the problem, unity and kindness... And then, it helps to achieve a “helicopter view”, when you see not a separate standing building, but a whole panorama. See all the beauty of the landscape. Then, “going lower,” you can pay attention to the details...” When you dig a well, you don’t start from the very bottom: first you take away the top layer widely, throwing away the earth shovel after shovel, not knowing what’s below, how many intertwined roots, what obstacles and obstacles there are, how many heavy, buried by others and by you, forgotten stones. The decision has been made. Is there enough strength to start? Janusz Korczak "Diary" To the adult reader you say: - Children tire us. You're right. You explain: “We must lower ourselves to their concepts. Lower ourselves, bend over, bend, shrink. You’re wrong! This is not what makes us tired.” But because you need to rise to their feelings. Rise, stand on tiptoes, stretch. So as not to offend. Janusz Korczak “When I become small again"