Today I would like to share my thoughts on a topic that is relevant for many (as practice has shown): what is more important - the quality or quantity of time spent with loved ones? The idea to write about this came today when we were playing with our youngest son. During my training in the previous 5 days, we didn’t see each other from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. - and therefore, we managed to really miss each other... And therefore today we both wholeheartedly enjoyed each other’s company, we managed to do a lot together - and roll around in the leaves on a walk, and play with dough, and play with various toys, and lie side by side, and go on a visit... And in all these processes we were deeply and truly TOGETHER. For all our activities today did not come from forced necessity or what is “right” - but from the depths of our souls and sincere desire. But is this always the case? Often parents, turning to a psychologist about certain problems in themselves, in relationships or in their children, respond to the offer to take care of themselves and understand themselves: “But I don’t have time for myself! And all the time is spent on loved ones!!!” . But, paying attention to the difficulties with which they came, it becomes clear that the amount of time they supposedly spend on relationships for some reason does not actually bring results. When I conduct trainings for children (I like working with adults much more, but on trips I still sometimes work with children) - I ask the children one simple question. It sounds like this: “What do you think is better - if mom spends the whole day with you, but just like that, or 15 minutes a day, but for real?” In all the time of my practice (and I have been conducting such a course for children for more than 10 years), not a single child has ever asked, “What is it really?” and didn’t answer, “All day just like that.” No one!!! At the same time, the question is: “What is it for real?” regularly asked by parents themselves. And it is they who sincerely believe that by gritting their teeth and laying their lives at the feet of their children/spouses/own parents or anyone else; by neglecting their needs to please theirs and doing a lot of good (and often unsolicited) for them, they will receive close and high-quality relationships as a result. But do their loved ones see them next to them? Them, real ones, with their real feelings, sincere and open, sometimes vulnerable? And, honestly, do these people see their loved ones with their real feelings and needs in front of them in such a situation? Or is there no room left for real relationships behind the huge amount of “this is how it should be”, “this is how people will approve”, “this is how it will be” and “this is how it will be right”? More likely, the second one. A tired and stressed mother who continues to stubbornly sacrifice herself “for the sake of” is unlikely to be able to give the child exactly what he needs most - acceptance and unconditional love, empathy and the ability to be with him in any of his conditions, as well as a healthy role model . And then countless toys, mugs, games, and even time spent together, coming from the head, and not from the heart, most likely will not be able to close the gaping emptiness inside, in the place of which there should have been warmth from the real (even if far from ideal) relationship between the two real people. In order for it to work out for real, first of all, it is important to turn around to face yourself and ask and understand: what am I, the real one? Which is often not at all easy. Also, first of all, it is important to take care of your condition - you can call it your state of health in the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual spheres. For only a filled jug can give drink to thirsty loved ones. When I myself am empty - being next to me even around the clock, my loved ones feel only emptiness... Finally, I would like to remind you of that famous phrase of flight attendants from an airplane, which is often cited as an example in such cases. Previously, at a time when I was a “tall hero,” these words caused me the deepest resistance. Now for myself I know exactly why this is so - and not only in!!!