From the author: published on Despite the bad weather, spring has long been on the calendar. Every girl, thinking about this period, dreams of one thing - big and beautiful love. But for some reason she doesn’t come. And now millions of girls are sad, not knowing how to get rid of loneliness. If you are one of them, then perhaps for you our article will become the key that opens the door to a new happy life.[/url]Loneliness: a variety of interpretations The phenomenon of loneliness has been discussed by people since the very time when they began to be interested in the question of the human soul and personality. For some, it is embodied in the absence of a life partner, others consider lonely people who have few friends, and other people understand loneliness as a special state of mind that does not depend on the intensity of contacts with others. What do psychologists think about this? Followers of the great Sigmund Freud suggest that we distinguish between concepts such as solitude and loneliness. In the first case, we are talking about a normal “mindset” that arises as a result of the absence of someone in our environment. Loneliness is a constant, irresistible state associated with the presence of egocentrism, narcissism and hostility in the character. The roots of this, as a rule, are found in deep childhood, when the child has a very great need for closeness with his parents, which for one reason or another is not satisfied. Psychologists who consider each person unique and unrepeatable consider those people who find themselves in a world without their usual psychological defense. For example, a person has been angry with others all his life, and because of this he has no friends left. He realized this and abandoned his usual behavior, at the same time finding himself in a very vulnerable position. It seems to him that he is unworthy of love and good relationships with others. It is the fear that it will hurt now that makes the experience of loneliness so acute. It is believed that there is no universal definition of loneliness. Each person experiences this condition differently, and no one can do it for another. At the same time, for most people, the feeling of loneliness has some common features, for example, totality, integrity and inclusiveness. It is characterized by complete immersion in itself. It is thanks to this that you acquire some new knowledge about your own soul. It is otherwise impossible to receive them if you are constantly in contact with someone. In the modern world, people often feel lonely. Large spaces of megalopolises, it would seem, should prevent this - but no! On the contrary, being in a crowd, a person feels loneliness more and more often. Sociologists attribute this to weakening bonds in various groups, such as family or housemates. If earlier we knew almost everything about those who are next to us, now not hearing “hello” from an acquaintance passing by is not such a rarity. We are used to being in our own apartments, like in shells, not seeing or knowing anyone around us and not feeling the need to communicate with them. [/url]10 most common causes of loneliness The feeling of loneliness is directly related to our emotional state. After all, what prevents a person from enjoying the freedom he has, enjoying his independence and his own happiness? But not everyone does this. Often we are faced with our own nervousness, sadness and irritation towards the whole world. This is especially true for women who do not have a beloved man. Before you can understand how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness, you need to understand the reasons that cause it. Self-doubt Very often you cannot name the reason why you feel lonely. In this case, most likely, it is inside you. If a girl feels insecure, she simply cannot present herself adequately when meeting a man. The feeling of her own inferiority may prevent her from opening up. Of course, it will be veryfunny and absurd if you smile or, God forbid, joke! Obviously, every person has objective shortcomings - for example, you stopped taking care of yourself, and your figure “blurred” - and imaginary ones. So, it's time to stop worrying about the latter! By forgetting about them, you gain the opportunity to meet a worthy life partner and new friends. Obsession with one topic There are things that should be discussed exclusively with women: clothes, shoes, beauty salons, baby diapers and unfaithful husbands. Of course, you can discuss with a friend or your boyfriend a new healthy eating system that you like - it is possible that you will find a like-minded person in him. But daily conversations on the same topic can “destroy” the brain of any sane man. They are much more interested in doing or trying something than spending hours discussing the smallest nuances of all the fashion trends of this year. And even more so, you shouldn’t tell them how much your new dress costs! Narrow social circle You don’t go anywhere and don’t want to do anything in order to contact the people around you. The choice, of course, is yours, but if you focus only on yourself and your apartment, nothing good will come of it. Almost no one is interested in “moving” a person who himself does not want anything. Judge for yourself: would you invite a friend to a cafe for the tenth time who has already refused nine meetings? Surely not. Where can communication come from if you don’t strive for it yourself? Perhaps it is timidity or natural laziness, but only by overcoming them can you learn how to get rid of loneliness. Worldview If you consider all people on planet Earth to be evil, it is not surprising that they do not want to communicate with you! Nobody is interested in a person who sees everything in a black light and believes that man is a wolf to man. The same goes for relationships with men: if you think that they are all considered cattle, then so be it. Excessive persistence The opposite point of view also does not bode well. People often get scared when they see excessive persistence in communication. It seems to them that there is some kind of catch hidden in this, and they see the “initiator” himself in a far from favorable light. Especially men: for them, discussing the details of a future wedding and the names of potential children on the third date is like death. Narcissism Communicating with arrogant people is not interesting to a single living soul. A person likes to feel his own importance, and if he does not receive this, then he becomes sad. Do you think your partner will strive for a person whose communication brings only grief and disappointment in himself? That's right, it won't. It’s very great that you are so beautiful and smart, but other people also want to feel your status. In relationships between a man and a woman, this usually manifests itself in exorbitant expectations on the part of the partner: a white limousine, expensive restaurants, vacations on the islands and bouquets of hundreds roses - only a few are capable of this, but their human qualities remain a mystery. Therefore, for your own good, it is useful to find a balance between your own dignity and attitude towards the people around you. Sharp tongue Almost no one likes sharp and poisonous jokes about themselves. Indeed, you can find a funny flaw in every person and make fun of it, but why do this all the time? This makes people feel embarrassed, nervous, out of balance and do everything to hide from you. Men especially don’t like this line of behavior - they want to be winners in women’s eyes, but here you “drown” them in stupid remarks! Overprotection Every woman has a powerful force hidden inside her, called the maternal instinct. But in some cases, especially when you don’t have your own children yet, you begin to extend your care and attention to all the people around you. It looks strange, to say the least. For example, men want to see in you a passionate lover, an interesting interlocutor anda good friend, and a good mother is enough for them even at home. Don't take this slippery slope! Lack of time Do you spend a huge amount of energy on making a career? It’s commendable, but you’ve probably noticed how your colleagues leave work at six to meet with friends or family, and after ten o’clock in the evening you crawl home, where no one is waiting for you except the cat. Communication with people is an important part of the life of any person, and if it is difficult for you to be spontaneous in this matter, then use your business skills - separately plan get-togethers with girlfriends or search for a gentleman for yourself. Fear of pain It is pain that makes us avoid the reason that caused it in the past . This is a completely normal process aimed at preserving life, but in relationships between people it can create a lot of inconvenience. But, firstly, by getting rid of communication, you will not be able to experience the sincere joy that it can give. Secondly, it is far from certain that you will be hurt again. Yes, it is possible, but those who don’t take risks don’t drink champagne! [/url]Not being lonely is simple! More precisely, not quite so - absolutely every person is able to understand for himself how to get rid of loneliness. In any case, you will have to change something in life, since its original version has already led you to dissatisfaction. The fear of loneliness can quite significantly increase the severity and depth of immediate experiences. Think about how many resources are spent on this! Your own isolation from society immediately seems many times more terrible and terrible than it actually is. And you won’t be able to get any pleasure from solitude. Accordingly, first of all you need to understand how to get rid of the fear of loneliness. To do this, think about what it generally means to you and develop the logical chain to the end. For example, loneliness is when in old age there is no one to bring a glass of water, that is, to help somehow. Or loneliness means that you are an inferior woman, since no one wants to marry you. All these ideas will help you understand what you are afraid of being alone and, perhaps, some of them will seem absurd to you. Next, you need to deal with old grievances that prevent you from communicating with people. It sounds a little strange, of course, but they probably exist in your life. Even if you tried to forget them, they could hide deep in your soul and harm your life from there. To evaluate this, analyze what your main problem is in your relationships with people. Formulate it and think about whether there was a situation a long time ago in which this problem occurred for the first time and which would have greatly traumatized you? If you can remember something like this, then there is a high probability of psychological transference, which predetermines your perception of other people. Simply put, instead of being with a real person in a real relationship, you begin to think and see something bad in communicating with him, after which the contact is broken. Or you begin to behave as if you are trying to resist an offender from the past. What to do about it? Good question. First of all, you need to allow yourself to worry about a traumatic situation. Our feelings are often inhibited by all sorts of social attitudes such as “there is no point in suffering because of all this nonsense” or “I was offended, that’s enough - it’s time to forget everything and move on.” Because of this, you do not live the situation to the end, do not let it go. Next, try to imagine the person with whom you have traumatic experiences sitting opposite you in an empty chair. Carefully examine his face, pay attention to gestures and posture. What do you want to tell him? If your head is in a funk, try to remember a time when you suffered because of him and tell him a little about how you felt. Most likely, your tongue will loosen. Express to an empty chair all the thoughts that have been running through your head in your internal dialogue for years. You might even scream, break a plate, or attack a pillow. Well, if you have the opportunity to express your emotions to a person in reality,.