– You’re stupid, stupid, Alena! You don’t understand anything in life! - Mom, what are you talking about? - You can’t hang on to his neck like that! You walk, look with loving eyes, but he will still replace you! - Will he replace you? - He will replace you! Don't you understand? Just give them young people! Alena lowered her eyes. “Well, look: you’re already twenty-six.” A year later twenty-seven, then twenty-eight. She already gave birth to one child, then a second,” the mother busily flexed her fingers, “the beauty is gone, the skin has lost its elasticity. It's almost thirty, but your man isn't even forty. So think for yourself what will happen next. “Mom, what are you doing?” What's next? He loves me, we live in perfect harmony! Igor carries me in his arms. Why did you get everything right with your young ones?! - Alena tried to object in a harsh manner, but in reality it turned out to be baby talk. - Well, Alena, think logically! He will be thirty-eight, you will be thirty. You are no longer the same! “The mother stubbornly repeated this in that voice that she always turned on for greater persuasiveness, “he’ll find a twenty-five-year-old girl, and good luck!” He will go to her and leave you with the children! Who will need you then? Mark my words! I know everything! And I ate too much myself, and I saw enough of others! “What are you croaking, mom!” What are you croaking?! You know everything! – Alena jumped up from her seat, almost knocking over her cup of coffee. - Yes, I know everything, everything! Taught by bitter experience! I want to save you! So that my girl doesn't get hurt. Daughter! That's not why I raised you... - Mom! Firstly, Igor will not go looking for anyone. He loves me! Secondly, what makes you even think you know him? You haven’t really had a heart-to-heart talk with him yet!” “All men are the same,” the mother waved her hand and, after thinking, added, “well, maybe your Igor won’t go looking for anyone.” There are few men now, but there are many women. They will come and find it themselves! Trust me. This has happened more than once, both with me and with my friends. Do you remember the song: “Once a year the gardens bloom”? What did they say? “A beautiful and brave woman has crossed the road”? It’s not all for nothing. Alena loved her mother. You could always get support and sympathy from her. Perfect mutual understanding: even better than with friends. Until we started talking about men. At these moments something terrible happened to the mother. She played the same record. Surprisingly, when my grandmother was alive, she said the same thing. Like an old gramophone, she nagged and nagged: “Give only young men to the men!” You grow old every year, become decrepit and become unnecessary. A man doesn't want an old body. So all women pay for something that is not their fault - for old age. Men are insensitive creatures. They use a beautiful body, and when it wears out, they throw it in the trash and get a new one for themselves. And so on until death, until they themselves die! *** A common picture. One of the main women's fears, causing psycho-emotional burnout. It is impossible to make plans for the future when deep down you are sure that a replacement will be found for you. How old things will be thrown into the trash, and some “young woman” will come to everything that is ready and begin to put things in order in your house. This causes despair and horror. Hatred arises towards God, who created women as women and invented the concept of “female beauty.” He treacherously arranged everything so that men would be attracted to young “females.” And nothing, absolutely nothing, can be done about this. No matter how good you are, it doesn’t matter. Everything is meaningless. He will leave. Your beloved will sooner or later turn into a strange, aggressive man who will say: “Old woman! Get out of here! This is Lyusya, she’s eighteen.” And then everything is as Alena’s mother said. And these fears are not subject to any reasonable arguments. No matter how hard you try, it is simply impossible to prove to a woman with a phobia that she will NOT be replaced. We communicated with a variety of clients and clients. Unfortunately, this theme is present in almost every relationship. Somewhere strong, somewhere insignificant. A client arrives: a smart, sensible woman. And she almost shakes from thoughts of old age. Shelooks in the mirror, sees new wrinkles, and for her this is the beginning of the end. Every day she is getting closer and closer to the moment when her husband understands that it is time to look for a replacement. Or the “replacement” will find it itself. And he, of course, will not resist. A woman with such fear constantly thinks: “If only he doesn’t leave me! Let him fuck whoever he wants. I don’t care! I forgive everything, if only he doesn’t leave me with the children, if only he doesn’t leave!” Clients told how they came up with a plan for revenge. How phobias kept me from sleeping. Endless comments from relatives and friends popped into my head, fueling the fire of mistrust. This was followed by feelings of uselessness and resentment, then pain from the impending betrayal. Such women were enveloped by a feeling of injustice, because when the time comes, the relationship with her husband will change forever, and she, the wife, will move into the category of furniture. They will stop admiring her and, perhaps, will be grateful that she gave birth to children, but a young mistress will take her place. The husband will give all his strength, love and care to some girl. But for some reason no one remembers that this girl will also grow old and will have to be replaced. Logic doesn't rule here. Phobias completely take over people. Do you need to be affectionate with your husband, show love, be warm and sincere, if in the end he will betray you anyway? How much of herself does a woman have to bury because of stupid fear? As we have already said: you will not do anything knowing that one day everything will collapse. A person will not build a house if he knows that in a month this house will be blown up; will not dare to buy a car if he finds out that he will get into an accident. After all, no one likes “monkey work.” In family psychology, this kind of fear is classified as a type of phobia. There is a wonderful technique for quickly treating phobias - freely available on the Internet. There you will find hundreds of articles on this topic. The EMDR technique, which was invented by the wonderful psychologist Francine Shapiro, also helps tremendously. The EMDR technique is one of the cult techniques that you can also find in the public domain. We also invite you to our YouTube channel - “Modern Psychology” (aka “First Psychological”). We made a video in which we talk about this technique. Destructive thoughts must be removed. They cannot be left because they are harmful to the psyche. These beliefs and attitudes destroy the future. Fears associated with the past can still be left inside, but there is nothing worse than fear of the future. What could be more important than family? Nothing. What's the point of having children if you still have to look for another man? Children will worry and ask “Where is daddy?” and will receive the monstrous attitude that love does not exist. Why the hell are joint savings needed? What about the house? How to negotiate with a person who has instincts instead of a head? And instead of love there is emptiness? A hopeless black world, reminiscent of a film about vampires or werewolves, where even if the monsters love you now, they will still devour you someday. This is something like the belief that a man will leave and be replaced by another. A horror film that happens in the lives of many women. It’s important to stop here and stop getting carried away. The most important thing is to confront the problem; understand that a phobia is just an image that frightens. The tension arises from the fact that the future becomes vague: the family may fall apart. No love, no children - just eternal loneliness. Well, if old age begins at thirty, then it’s a big deal. But is it? After all, there are many families who have lived together in love and care. When an idea comes into our head, our unconscious, deep part models all possible scenarios for the development of events so that this idea comes true. The dream is to have three children; that the husband will become a millionaire, will give him an expensive car, images of joint travel, bright love, anticipation of beautiful sensual sex - these are all positive idiodynamics. However, the phobia causes something else: a difficult, anxious anticipation of the end of the relationship. The woman looks at everyone, imagining betrayal. Sometimes he even sees how his husband.