This information is available for use by everyone interested in this issue, starting from 14 years old and ad infinitum... Its effectiveness has been tested by me, from the fall of 1993 to the present day day. The 15-17 year old schoolchildren with whom I worked in the 90s under the “School of Social Success” program, based on the information now offered to you about the correct resolution of conflicts, have now become adults. They estimate that the core knowledge gained from this program, when applied in various events, has brought them complete satisfaction for decades. And my work with people of different ages and different social status also confirmed this. The formation of a person in social life is a natural and necessary process, which follows from the postulate that if a person was born, then he needs to develop self-affirmation and self-realization in society to fulfill his destiny, showing his highest, best abilities - opportunities. And for this, a person must, first of all, take control of his life. As you know, no one can live our lives for us, and we cannot live for anyone, including our children and grandchildren. And it is also known that no one gives power to anyone - they take it themselves. Therefore, if you do not manage your own life yourself, then there will be those who will use our life, and, unfortunately, often without regard for our interests, with our values, with our principles, and for all the inconsistencies in life they will completely shift the blame onto us. We will again turn to the Table of Elections already known to us from my previous articles (the Holodynamics method, author V. Wulf), since it clearly shows all the pros and cons of our life - it provides a clear guideline. And this guideline shows in what psychological state we are, under what circumstances, when interacting with whom, we will get this or that life result. The leading levels in this Table are the Personal and Principal levels, because a person's whole life revolves around them. For a more complete understanding of this article - what is being discussed here, you need to read my previous articles “The Light and Shadow of Personality” dated 02/12/2020 and “The Fundamental Level” dated 02/20/2020. In this article I offer you another way How to avoid falling into a state of “learned helplessness” as an adult and get out of this state if you feel it in yourself. (The first method is described in my article “Learned helplessness syndrome: origins and solution” dated 04/15/2020). Firstly, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that always, in any situation, you must start from yourself, from your feelings, from your real well-being. Why from sensations - because “in war, as in war”, in combat, a soldier has no time to read the Charter, which says what to do in a given situation, so he acts adequately to the situation by intuition, if it is not paralyzed by fear. Secondly, you need to pay attention to your surroundings and understand what games they are playing, despite the fact that life is not a game and people are not actors, there are no rehearsals in life. However, the continuation of your thoughts, words, actions, and other people’s reactions to them, their reflection, will always appear in your life “here and now” and in your future events. And therefore, Thirdly, you should always remember that you are a creator your destiny, therefore you go from yourself, and see how important or unimportant this event is to you, check based on your feelings whether it is useful or harmful to you personally. Then there may be fourth, and fifth, etc., but we Let's focus on these 3. First, about the signals of conflicts, which mean that you have left the position of the “Up” Choice, betrayed your Principles and are falling “Down”. (Given according to the “School of Social Success” program of the educational program “Perspective”). As you know, conflict does not fall out of the blue - it can be predicted. Permissionconflict depends largely on our vigilance, since it is preceded by more or less obvious signals, which can be called “Conflict Signals”. Let's start with the brightest, hardest Signals, visible to others in their manifestations, gradually descending to more subtle signals: Crisis. The signal is quite obvious. When a person breaks his connection with a work or love partner, being in a state of war both with himself and with the entity that caused this state, it becomes clear that, apparently, we are dealing with an unresolved conflict. During a crisis, normal norms of behavior are no longer valid. A person becomes capable of extremes. The person is what is called “out of his mind.” Tension. This is another obvious signal. A state of tension distorts our perception of another person and many of his actions. Our relationships are burdened with the weight of negative attitudes and preconceived notions. Again, the person is “out of his mind” or is about to “lose his temper”, creating a critical situation, because the situation is similar to dead wood, ready to flash from the first spark, because tension increases and does not decrease in a decent way. Misunderstanding. We often fall into misunderstandings, drawing false conclusions from a situation, most often due to insufficiently clear expression of thoughts or lack of mutual understanding. Perceptions of people and problems are distorted. For example, “He was waiting at the pharmacy, and she was waiting at the cinema” - one did not hear it, and the other did not ask again about the accuracy of understanding. All because of inattention, created, perhaps, by tension, creating the fear of being misunderstood, and then this can turn into a crisis - people will separate out of resentment, and perhaps lose each other forever Incidents. The signal that you are involved in an incident that carries the seeds of conflict is usually insignificant. Some little thing can cause temporary excitement or irritation, but after a few days it is often forgotten, and later “pops up”. And if nothing is done with this signal of conflict, then it too can reach a crisis. For example, you said a word in a conversation and felt that it was not the time or place in the conversation, but you gave up on it, thinking that it would do. And, for example, 3 - 5 days passed and this event came to mind. And it doesn’t give you peace, which means you urgently need to correct the situation - call, meet, discuss this moment that worries you, so that in the future there will be no tension in the relationship, and possibly a critical situation leading to the rupture of this relationship. Discomfort. This is an intuitive conclusion that something is wrong. Listen to your “inner voice”. This is the most minimal signal of conflict, if you catch it right away and choose the right strategy for your behavior - worthy quality of words and actions, based on the Higher Principles of Communication (Choice “Up” on the Table of Elections). Then the development of the conflict to tension and crisis will not happen, because .To. The Internal Conflict, his signal, will disappear. There will be a feeling of satisfaction and comfort inside, a feeling of Happiness. Now let's move on to Strategies for Exiting Conflict. Conflict is a kind of labyrinth - Where to go? Where to look for a way out? Everything depends on you. There are five ways. Which one do you choose? Of course, everything depends on the situation itself, on the time of its existence, on your capabilities and skills in resolving conflict situations. So, Strategies for getting out of conflict: Leaving. (Avoidance). If all problems could be simply ignored, it would make our life much easier, butUnfortunately, as experience shows us, problems do not always go away on their own, although miracles do happen. However, this happens and depends on the abilities - the capabilities of the person himself and his life according to the “Up” Choice. Suppression. (Device). If one of the partners considers it possible to abandon his own position, and the other is given the opportunity to realize his intentions, what’s wrong with that? However, as a permanent style of behavior, adaptation is not always justified. Compromise. This approach requires each participant to achieve something. Such a decision implies that some finite quantity is being divided, and that in the process of dividing it, the needs of all participants cannot be fully satisfied. And you can’t always be in a state of compromise, because... this is an intermediate, non-final option for exiting the conflict, this is a temporary truce. In such a strategy, everyone is not entirely satisfied with the result, which means that when one side or the other runs out of patience, the conflict will begin again, a continuation of the previous or new one, i.e. war again. Win - Lose. (Competition/Competition). This tactic reflects a form of power struggle in which one side emerges as the undoubted winner and the other as the defeated. But each side is still dissatisfied with the other side, even the victorious one. They continue to consider each other enemies, ready to start wars again. This is noticeable both in families and in society - within organizations, in the relationships of various communities, as well as states and world systems. Peace is impossible here. Where there is a struggle, there is always a war, although sometimes with truces, often violated by one side or another! Win - Win. (Cooperation). With this approach to resolving a problem situation, all participants in the event come to an alternative that fully satisfies the interests of all parties. This is the arrival of real Peace, Harmonious, Creative life! Each strategy has the right to be, its duration, the appropriateness of its choice you can check according to your feelings using a test that is always with you, the main thing is to learn to be attentive to your feelings and sensations of either internal comfort or discomfort, including in your body .Test – “When it’s time to “reap the benefits,” how do you feel?” A. Everything is going smoothly. Feeling of strength. Peace. Good health. THE CONFLICT HAS BEEN RESOLVED PROPERLY. Everything is falling out of hand. Helplessness. Anxiety. Disease. THE CONFLICT IS RESOLVED WRONGLY And let others tell you: “You’re great!”, but you don’t feel that way... it means you’re doing something wrong for yourself at the moment. Be attentive to your feelings and use them to correct any situation that is uncomfortable or even dangerous for you. So, why do you need to rely primarily on yourself, to start any event with yourself, observing exactly your state, your well-being, as an indicator of the correctness of your chosen thoughts, words, and actions? Yes, precisely because our whole life depends on how much Light, Energy of Life we ​​have in ourselves, i.e. Love, exactly that Unconditional Love that Heaven, God gives us, and your feelings will unmistakably tell you what strategy you should choose at one time or another in a conflict situation that is uncomfortable for you. And you will feel what your condition will tell you from the test. And then you will choose those strategies for getting out of the conflict that will quickly and easily lead you to a state of internal flight, to a state of your Complete Well-Being, Full Strength and the ability to control yourself and circumstances! Remember, when we are in a state of Love, we are ready to move mountains, we are Active, Joyful, Happy, There are no limits to our inspiration!!! And if you look at the test, at the reaction of your state, then this state is when we not only have this Love, Light, as energy for ourselves, our life, but also means thatWe conveyed it correctly. This means that they filled the one who was ready to accept it, being, as a receiver, in our resonant frequency, and was able to respond to our Call of Heavenly Love. He is ready to accept our Light and carry it further. And this means that it was passed on to someone who could accept this Love. And he himself raised himself to accept this Love, returning to his true self, and now he can Thank Himself for this difficult path of his life, overcoming himself and seeking - this Divine Light of Unconditional Love! And if we were mistaken, and there was not enough Love in us - the energy of life, we are “in the clutches” of our Shadow, emptiness, fear, then the choice of transmission, the choice of the object of interaction from which we want to receive a response that satisfies us, we and choose incorrectly. The law of resonance cannot be canceled - “Like attracts like!” - “The sleigh is what it is!” That's when we lose strength, give up and feel helpless. And if such interaction is not canceled, then our body begins to signal diseases, and precisely those to which we are predisposed - “Where it is thin, it breaks!” Look at the relationships of the people around us, use feature films as simulators where you can learn video analysis of these signals of conflicts, watch any video programs, shows, videos where you can easily notice signals of conflicts and what strategies movie characters use to get out of them. Feel according to your feelings - did they choose the right strategy, and compare with the continuation of the relationship between the film-video characters, where did this lead them - to further conflicts or to Happiness? Don’t waste your time sitting in front of TV screens and on the Internet - learn relationships - the most important skill in human interaction. Learn to maintain relationships - the strength of man lies in Unity! Having learned to observe, analyze, and generalize, we can easily figure out where we are wrong, what we say, do wrong in our relationships, in which cases we succeed, and in which we act “Like a bull in a china shop.” destroying everything dear to us? If, according to biblical postulates, we consider that “Man is created in the likeness of God, and God is Love!” - this means Light, Energy of Life, then the task of Man is to carry this Light, this Love for others, for all life on Earth. And there is nothing more important than this! This means that our task is to learn to understand the transfer of this Love, the exchange of Love, and we call the transfer of Love Help to People and Nature, which leads to the Improvement of Life Itself. And this is where we often fall into the traps of this very help. We have a desire to help, but do we know how to do it? And do we have something that needs to be passed on to others?! Do we know how to participate qualitatively in exchange - to receive and give?! Let's first look at the types of "Help" on the Table of Choices when Selecting "Down". You and I already know from my previous articles that this is not a full-fledged Choice, an immature one, in which “Learned helplessness” manifests itself - here everyone is helpless to one degree or another, in one event or another, and shares this helplessness in the hope of gaining strength , but this is impossible. This does not happen - we cannot change the physical laws of resonance, weakness attracts weakness and this creates helplessness, no matter what clothes a person dresses up in, no matter how many lies he comes up with. Nowadays we often hear the phrase “Help yourself!” and we don’t always understand it... We often hide our inadequacy - it’s painful to admit that I am incompetent in some way, since childhood it has been embedded in my self-awareness: “I’m “Good”!” Otherwise, how can we live without this feeling , because only 2 states are given - either Good or Bad, but who wants to be bad? And in order to establish himself in his “goodness”, a person strives to help others who usually do not ask for help, but to the person who wants to help, it seems that he is in it needs. In fact, such a helper needs help himself, and admit that he is weak in the “Primitivelevel of communication” is impossible, because immediately those around you will begin to humiliate you, they may send you to the “Downtrodden”. (See my article “Games of friendship and love or a manipulative, “learned-helpless” way of life” dated June 23, 2020) And at the same time, this “learned-helpless” helper cannot be selfless - he definitely expects praise as a symbol recognition of one’s “goodness”, strength, at least a feeling of a little well-being, i.e. receiving pleasantness, albeit visible, not real acceptance of oneself by others. However, if the helper does not receive this acceptance, he becomes very upset and offended, i.e. He didn’t receive any energy from his help, and perhaps he even became even more “de-energized,” lost strength—his hands gave up. And this, according to our test, is a signal that he did something wrong for himself, chose the wrong strategy to get out of his internal conflict. Sometimes people help to feel superior, indulging their ambitions, which confirm that they are “Better than the one they help!” By this they try to show that they are smarter, more caring, materially richer, etc. Another type of “Help”, the result of which is to put a person into the state of a victim, is to fraudulently drive a person into debt, and then on this leash lead him where the “helper” wants, in order to live at the expense of this helpless person. Such “help” is quite widely shown in families - young men turn into gigolos - they hang on women’s necks, and girls want to catch a rich husband with various tricks, and then do not know where to get away from domestic violence and hide from the “golden cage”. In society, for example, banks very skillfully use a person’s material needs, driving him into credit debt, and thus receiving profit - interest, as if “out of thin air.” In fact, shaking out the last strength - energy - from a person “provided” with such “help”, making him even more helpless, gradually turning him into a slave. And another type of such “help” exists among those who want to help others - this is the reluctance to deal with their problems , solve their life problems, citing constant employment, hiding from their responsibilities and personal responsibility for their events, “zealously” spending their life time helping others. And this is clearly seen from the Table of Choices, that these are destructive types of help, which are clearly manifested by the states of the “Down” Choice. The personality is in a state of emptiness, fear, anger, insecurity, self-deprecation, which leads to the complete collapse of the personality itself, to the destruction of the Man in the Man. And for high-quality, truly necessary help, you need to have your own resources for this and the demonstrated desire of the person asking for help, who is sure to actively do something to help himself. At the same time, the person does not lie on the sofa and, without moving, waits for Manna from Heaven. A helping person, with such help, uses only those resources that he really and sufficiently owns and, by giving part of his resources to another, does not throw himself “down.” (Here I am not talking about extreme situations, when all normal opportunities for help are missed, and the helping person is forced to provide help, regardless of his capabilities, sometimes even at the cost of his life). Real help according to the Table of Elections is possible only “Above”, since with his effective help the helper pulls the person in need from below “Up”, providing him with Unconditional Love. The Table of Elections is arranged in an interesting way - it explains any event, shows any human behavior. And everything immediately becomes clear and thoughts are immediately visible in the actions and words of a person, and his community, on whose behalf the person offers us something. From the Table of Elections we can immediately see from what level and choice the person approached us, what choice he can offer us, where his ideas lead, should we trust them? Sometimes appears.