“Victim” is one of the roles of the famous Karpman triangle. The victim is the main figure in the “Karpman triangle”, because it is she who launches this scheme: she provokes the Persecutor and looks for the Savior. One of the characteristic signs The behavior of the Victim is that most of the time she complains about life’s difficulties and insurmountable obstacles, but does not look for solutions and opportunities. Imagine a situation that is unfortunately common. A woman finds out about her husband’s betrayal, she feels that she has been betrayed, and can no longer even see him. And before it was bad, because he was aggressive towards her when he drank, he used to raise his hand, but now it has become unbearable. She files for divorce and is left with a school-aged child. How to live on? Relatives helped once or twice, but cannot take on the maintenance of her and the child. The ex-husband says that he cannot pay alimony because he is not officially working now. When I can, then I’ll give it to him, he says, I don’t know how much. And she didn’t even go to work after maternity leave, how can I find a job after such a break? And this is what a person in a state of victim says: Who will hire me after so many years of break? I only suggest work as a cleaner for 12 hours, and who will be with the child? The salaries are small, where to go? The husband is a goat, he doesn’t pay any money. Relatives no longer help financially, and wait until I repay the debt, but they themselves have been working for a long time, and receive good salaries. By the way, a feature of the Karpman triangle is changing positions of the same person. At some point, the Victim becomes a Persecutor, and at some point a Rescuer. A woman goes from the state of a victim to the state of an aggressor when she shouts at her husband that he doesn’t help her at all with the child, because the child is shared! And then she goes into the state of a defender when says that her child cannot cope with homework on his own, and he needs to do his homework every day, otherwise there is no way. Is there a way out of the triangle roles? Yes, there is. And although it must be admitted that the situation of mother and child is difficult, and it causes sympathy, you still need to do something. How to get out of the role of a victim? The first thing is to stop expecting others to come to the rescue. Tell yourself that from now on your and your child’s life and well-being will depend only on you. What are you doing with everything you can handle it, you’re doing well. I recommend listening to affirmations every morning to gradually change your thinking from “I’m unhappy-save-me” to “I’m the author of my life.” There is such an audio recording in my Telegram channel, you can download. Perhaps there will be no screaming with your husband if he sees that you are no longer a victim, but an adult responsible person who has decided to get a divorce and is ready to live independently and not depend on anyone. Calmly Consider what could be the source of your income? - child benefits from the state, benefits? Go to social security and get a consultation - calculate how much you and your child really need to live. Change jobs so you have enough. Your case is not an isolated one, women are left without their own home and with two children, they find a way out... - go to women’s forums like baby ru, create a topic and ask to share your experience. - consult with a lawyer how much you can realistically get from your husband officially, so as not to beg every month, because the husband’s actual income, although higher, is unclear who will be able to track it... - does the child already go to school? There is after school, clubs and meals, take advantage. - Find a job that fits your schedule, close to home, maybe in a garden or school? You don't have to choose a job with a 12-hour schedule! Write to all your friends asking them to recommend you. - transfer responsibility for lessons and studies to your child, otherwise you won’t be enough for everything. The main thing is to believe in yourself, you will succeed! If you feel that you can’t cope on your own, if you need support, sign up for a consultationSign up for WhatsApp consultation