How to understand that you have not recovered from abandonment? Continuing the topic started in the previous post. There are several signs that indicate that you are “stuck” in toxic shame and/or guilt. And it doesn’t you need to recover, end the relationship and restore self-esteem.📍 So, here are the main signs: You are going over in your head what else could have been done. Or hoping that “maybe it will still be.” You are passionate about self-improvement. Deep down, you don’t like your successes and results (but you convince yourself that you like them). You think that there is something wrong with you (usually it’s not very clear what exactly). It seems to you that those around you have a low opinion of you (especially the opposite sex). Have you found 2 signs or more in yourself? One hundred percent of your situation is not completed. (OK, 99%). But this is not so bad. The worst thing is that until the “door is closed” there is little chance of meeting, seeing and becoming mutually interested in a worthy partner .And you will most likely again take the absence of a new satisfactory relationship personally. And? And continue self-improvement or self-flagellation. Now the circle is closed. I have no goal to scare you. Rather, I wanted to motivate you to do something about it, to change the situation. What can be done to restore self-esteem? How to work with toxic guilt and shame - the “legacy” of past relationships? Here is a brief sequence of steps: 1️⃣ Return to the traumatic situation and live through all the feelings that you have not lived through. Say and do now (albeit in a symbolic form) everything that you did not say or do then. 2️⃣ Separate the “flies from the cutlets”. Realize where your opportunities and responsibilities end, and not yours begin. 3️⃣ Search and find (i.e. restore) your value for yourself. Perhaps you have to learn to be careful, respectful and caring towards yourself. These are big and bold steps. They require time, strength and courage. And often professional help. It’s difficult to cope alone, even with tips and advice. If this post is about you, come for a consultation, I’m successfully working with this topic. Click on this inscription to find out more or sign up for a consultation. With care, Liana Landa Family psychologist, Gestalt therapist