In his book Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, Albert Ellis describes his romantic experience at the beginning of his relationship with his wife. He talks about how he lost sleep and peace, trying to understand whether she really loves him or not. He suffered, tormenting his soul for a long time, until he finally understood the difference between desire and need in a relationship with his wife. He understood for himself an important thing, after which he was released that he has no need and does not need love for his wife, but only wants her to love him. And when he understood this difference between need and desire, he calmed down, and the anxiety with this question passed. As he writes, having understood this difference, “I became a different person,” but we often confuse this in our lives. When a person begins to understand this, he does not need much someone’s approval, appreciation, love, but his “acceptance of himself” depends a lot on this. And Ellis says a beautiful and simple thing: “That love is needed for pleasure, but not a means of existence.” That is, success, love, sex are an addition to life, but this is not its meaning. And understanding this idea can and does change life and worldview, putting everything in its place. For example, a person says: “I want to be liked by others, but my dignity and my life do not depend on it, if this does not happen, then I can survive it.” “That’s why Ellis proposes his “Idea of ​​Unconditional Acceptance.” According to which, if we do not feel the need for love, success, recognition or cannot achieve them for some reason, this does not make any of us an incomplete or worthless person. We just become at some point those people who don’t get everything they want. Agree, the same thing happens). In our lives, there will always be people who will evaluate, measure, test, criticize us, but this does not mean that their external assessment of us should replace our internal assessment of us in relation to ourselves. “The idea of ​​unconditional acceptance” by Alice, a very useful tool and antidote to depression and neurosis, if you decide to make a choice, feel and act in favor of it, you will change your life for the better. Do you agree? 1) My “Course of overcoming depression, anxiety and neurosis. https://www.b17.ru/a_vyukov/#training2 4) Registration for a face-to-face cognitive behavioral group in St. Petersburg. https://www.b17.ru/trainings/kognitivno-povedencheskaya_gruppa_/ Psychologist Anton Vyukov, 2023. Copying is possible only with indication of the author and a link to this site.