From the author: The article was published on the website I invite you to subscribe to the free audio course “I am a Woman!”, which you will find here - “No!” - a simple three-letter word that often causes a storm of emotions: no one wants to hear it as an answer to their request/suggestion, and, having heard it, it can be difficult to adequately accept it. Yes, and saying “no” is also not pleasant and often inconvenient. “No” is a strange word, because sometimes a person, wanting to say it, says the opposite: “Yes,” although inside everything just screams: “No!” Saying “no” is an art that is important to master, because it is an honest refusal that saves your energy, strength and time for what is important to you. Such a simple word, but so difficult to use... It is for those who are not afraid to be honest, first of all, with themselves. How often have you said “yes” only because you were afraid of ruining the relationship with a refusal, and then reproached yourself for it? Can you refuse? Having said “no,” how do you feel? In fact, many people, not knowing how to say no, fill their lives with other people’s problems, unnecessary obligations, and deprive themselves of the opportunity to live their lives according to their own rules. Refusal is neither good nor bad, it is an honest answer, a reaction to external reality. Knowing how to refuse is a very useful skill, and successfully refusing without destroying a relationship is doubly useful. I would like to offer you the technology for successfully refusing Pavel Zygmantovich. I have tested this technology myself and use it in all areas of my life. So, the algorithm for successful refusal is 0. Ask around. “Where did such a request come from? What's the matter? What's happened? Why is this so? It often happens that these questions lead to reformulation of the request and there is no longer any need to refuse. For example, a person asked to borrow money from a friend. An acquaintance asked several questions and, instead of money, suggested where I could earn the required amount in the available time. So there is no need to refuse. However, it is not for nothing that the point was set to zero - this is only a prelude to refusal.1. Simply and briefly say “No.” It is important to say it briefly and clearly, without explanations or antics. Simply - “no, it’s impossible”, “no, I won’t”, “no, I won’t”, “no, I won’t give”, “no, I won’t go”. 2. Be silent for a while and give the person the opportunity to react. The person who made the request/offer, although he expected a possible refusal, still expected to hear “yes,” so he needs time to realize and accept the fact of refusal and react. Your task is simply to remain silent, even if they appeal to your conscience, accuse, ask and use some other methods. 3. Take a step forward. It is carried out if the refusal was not easy for a person, and there are obvious signs of grief. Your task is to say: “I understand your desire and I can explain my motives, as well as look for options with you.” If a person takes the refusal calmly, then that’s it – you can move on to another topic. But usually people don’t mind and want to hear explanations and look for solutions. 4. Explain. Pay attention to explain, not justify! The difference is significant. An explanation is confidence in one’s rightness and ordinary information. That is, “I’m right and now I’ll tell you why I’m right.” Excuses are being wrong and apologizing (“I’m wrong, but you know, what’s the matter…”). It should also be remembered that “no” has already been said and the explanation is not at all intended to give the person a chance to cling to something and still convince him to change his mind.5. Search for options. Here it is important (if there was no zero step) to find out why this request appeared, what is behind it, what is it connected with. Without this, it is difficult to offer a solution that will suit the person (and suit you).6. Decide. It appears as a result of joint reflection and usually suits the person quite well. It seems to me that the algorithm is quite simple and, most importantly, WORKS! Just take it and apply it in life, practice the skill of saying “no” while maintaining relationships. :) What to do if everything is fine with the skill, but the fear of offending you with a refusal is stopping you, we’ll talk next time