After yesterday’s situation at a friend’s house, I came up with the following material. You are sitting one morning and having breakfast with your 4-year-old daughter. Are you one of those people who have a thing for cleaning/cleanliness? Well, that's how you were raised. This point prevents you from having breakfast in peace - enjoying the meal and seeing how your child is enjoying the same meal. Instead, your fad forces you to accompany every action of your child with a comment (“put a napkin on your shirt - you’ll get it dirty”, “eat over the table - the crumbs fall on the floor”, “don’t touch the clothes with your hands - you’ll get them dirty”, “don’t move around - you’ll spill”) . I’m writing this, it’s not just that I’m losing my appetite, it’s that anger is bursting out in my soul. What is the child doing at this moment? He begins to either confuse what follows what, or clumsily wipe something with a napkin, which is why crumbs fall to the floor and your fad tears and rushes inside you. You get angry and begin to escalate the situation even more. In this situation, the child will either begin to play around from overexertion, or cry, or accidentally knock over something, since in such an environment children become clumsy. What is actually happening? A look from the outside...Some of them clearly forgot who they were dealing with. If a person has an obsession with cleaning/cleanliness, he should work with it (realize, feel, consult) in order to ultimately master it in order to maintain emotional closeness with his child and not HUMILIATE him every time at a meal or in another such similar situation It’s not without reason that I emphasized the word “humiliate.” This is exactly what happens in such situations. When an adult expects a certain behavior from a child, which the child cannot reproduce due to his psycho-physiological characteristics, the adult insists on his own, plus, connects the emotion of irritation, and subsequently anger. And when such strong negative emotions are involved, the child does not hear anything at all, since these emotions block the child’s trust in the adult and the child closes down. Communication with a child under 5 years old is based on some important rules: Rule 1: if the child does not do something, THE way you want it, he is either distracted and needs to repeat it 2 times, or he simply cannot do it and YOU need to do it for him YOURSELF and not wait, repeating 10 times, getting angry! Examples of such situations:- You come to the kindergarten to pick up your child, ask him to quickly get dressed, because in the evening you have an important program or conversation. He does it slowly. He gets distracted by another child, whose mother brought some beautiful toy to kindergarten. If you repeat more than 2 times: “Get dressed quickly! Get dressed quickly!”, then most likely you will start to get angry. What to do in such a situation? Attract the child’s attention: “Look, the scarf is a magic snake - oh - look how its eyes sparkle” and start dressing the child yourself. Comment: he was distracted by the toy, not because he didn’t care about your words about the importance of getting ready quickly , he didn’t want to make you angry - he just liked the TOY and he was carried away! - You come from a walk, your shoes are dirty, the child walked into the corridor, the doormat looked after him pitifully, the child got carried away with a pet or saw someone in the household doing something - busy with fun - that is, he got carried away. If you say more than 2 times: “Get back on the floor - your shoes are dirty,” then after the second time, it’s better to just walk behind the child and say worriedly: “Oh, look, the floor is unpleasant - you’re walking on it with dirty shoes - look, the floor is crying.” ((and the rug was offended that you didn’t leave his favorite shoes on him.” Comment: the child walked in dirty shoes not because “he wants to force you to scrub the floor 5 times a day,” but simply because he forgot about the dirt on his shoes and got carried away by some action in the corridor. Here you can outline the second rule when communicating with children under 5 years old: Rule 2: if you need to do something for a child after you have repeated the request 2 times, when doing so, comment if possible, what do you