Clients often come to consultations with false expectations from the work of a psychotherapist. They believe that a good psychologist will definitely solve their problems, preferably in one go. And they are not embarrassed by the fact that these problems have often been created over the years. When they come to a consultation, they are quickly disappointed, because what happens is not at all what they expected. Instead of giving correct advice on how to quickly solve the problem, the psychologist begins to ask a lot of “stupid” questions. “No, this is a bad psychologist,” they decide and look for the next one. Some of the clients write here on the forum that they have already visited 10 psychologists, but have not received the expected insights. “So psychological help is nothing at all,” they decide, “I can just as easily do it with a girlfriend or a friend.” talk for free.” Some clients create topic after topic on the forum, but still do not find a single psychologist who could help them. “This whole psychology thing sucks,” they decide. What’s the matter? Why aren’t good psychologists found and don’t solve the client’s problems? The whole point is that the client’s expectations from the meeting with the psychologist were unrealistic. The client had a misunderstanding of what a psychologist does and what psychological assistance consists of. Let's start with who a “good psychologist” is. A professional psychologist is a person who has a higher psychological education and additional postgraduate specialization in the chosen field. He practices while simultaneously undergoing his own therapy, intervision and supervision (analysis of client cases with more experienced colleagues). The psychologist does not solve the client’s problems, he helps the client look at his problems differently, see his mistakes and try other ways out of the current situations. In the cognitive behavioral approach, the psychologist works with the client’s incorrect beliefs that led him to this situation. Even in ancient times, the philosopher Epictetus noted that it is not the situations themselves that upset us, but our attitude towards these situations. We ourselves, to a large extent, create our own misfortunes. And we can make a conscious choice not to be unhappy. It is our irrational beliefs that contribute to the formation of inappropriate feelings and inappropriate behavior. One of the most harmful attitudes in our thinking is “shoulds.” For example: a psychologist should help me. A husband (wife) should not behave like this. I was treated unfairly (and should have been treated differently). The “should” attitude is based on the false idea that the world is not as it is, but as we have imagined for ourselves. For example: “the world should be fair”, “I should be loved”, “everything should be no worse for me than for others”, etc. You can read more about obligation or the tyranny of debt here: https://www.b17.ru/go_2ow But the world is what it is. This is a given. He owes nothing to anyone and does not correspond to our idea of ​​justice. A psychologist should not solve the client’s problems. Moreover, the psychologist does not give advice on what to do. The responsibility for solving problems in CBT lies with the client. It is the client (with the help of a psychologist) who can realize something new, understand what his mistakes are, look at the situation from a different angle, and choose new behavioral strategies. And, most importantly, start applying new knowledge in life!