“Mother, I need you as a psychologist,” my 15-year-old daughter told me. Phew, I thought, the moment has come when my growing teenager makes his first attempts at intimacy and trust. At this time I was a psychologist - a seal - lying on the bed with a book that I am desperately trying to study (even emphasizing important thoughts that disappear with the subsequent turning of the page). The main thing is that the mother is at work, and not just lying there😂So, Marusya asks me the following: “Mom, well, if my boyfriend (whom they are dating, as if) has only been texting for two months, alternating SMS with complete ignoring, and as if ...fsyo.... He says that EVERYTHING IS GOOD, nothing has changed in our relationship, it’s just...I’M LIKE THIS / I’M DEPRESSED / I JUST DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU / I LOVE AND AND WE ARE EVERYTHING STILL THE SAME - BUT I don’t know WHY NOW SO... EVERYTHING IS OKAY, DON’T MAKE IT UP and blah, blah, blah. And everything would be fine, but my daughter, who came to me for advice, begins to act as a lawyer for her “sort of guy” and argue for his behavior in the style of: - Mom , well, he’s always like that, hidden.... - Well, he’s always on his own - Well, he’s always mysterious - Well, maybe he needs help - Well, he’s an introvert... - Well, maybe he’s just not in the mood to see each other. 2 months... This list of women’s excuses can be continued endlessly, and I, already from the “place of recovery” from these concepts, am starting to get very angry at us women. And at men, too. I recently heard from a client in practice: “ My mother loved me very much, but I, a 40-year-old man, still digest her constant slaps and humiliations! It still hurts me.” And I want to grab my daughter, my client, and everyone who is sick with such a distorted understanding of “love,” and shake, shake out this infection from them! This disease, this distorted reality, no matter who. Leave them this reality of theirs, let them deal with it themselves! I want to repeat to my children, loved ones, acquaintances - that this is not love! Where did you get the idea that this is love? To hell with such love! Prove to me that this is love if - you are ignored without explanation - you are “fed breakfast”, illusions, promises, but nothing happens in reality - you are pressured psychologically , forcing you to doubt your reality - they give you “loving” slaps on the head, humiliating your dignity - they criticize you, but this is “out of love”, for you to become better - they are disrupted by aggression, and then continue as if nothing had happened “ to love” - they claim that you are paranoid and it seemed to you that when the truth comes out - you are forced to lie, because telling the truth is like death - you are accused of everything and more and more often No, no and again no, nothing to do with intimacy, love , kindness, cordiality, empathy, this behavior does not have! And it doesn’t matter how old you are when all this happens. If you are STILL 11, then very soon you will be 40, but you will remain the same 11-year-old boy or girl who was humiliated, whose opinion was not taken into account, mocked, ignored, and who at 40 does not understand anything about himself. In short, they loved it so much. We really fell in love. If you are ALREADY 40, it’s never too late to change something and choose a “healthy” life. Not “best”, not “correct”. And a Life in which you will not doubt your reality, you will trust your feelings and your heart. And if a thousand people tell you what you imagined, check with yourself and your body. It doesn’t lie. To hell with such love. And if there is no way to avoid or get away from such love, then at least fight so that these “lovers” do not discredit such a pure and bright feeling with their distorted perception of their reality. Let them call it whatever you want, just not love. Damn, love normally, so that your significant other or your children understand that they are loved🙈