How difficult it is sometimes to ask for help. It seems that you are about to cope, but something doesn’t work out as you would like... Therefore, very often you need an outside view that will give you an understanding of what is really happening. An outside perspective helps you see a way out of the current situation. And that’s why it’s so important to seek help from a professional who will not judge you, but will be entirely on your side. And it will help you better understand yourself, what is happening and what, in fact, to do about it. I am grateful to the girl who contacted me for finding the strength to ask a “stupid” question, but so relevant for many women. I would be glad if my vision helps you let go of your ex and free yourself from the imposed feeling of guilt. Question: Good afternoon! I can't forget my ex. This is an age-old topic, and everyone is bothered with this question, I will be one in a million who asks for help. We broke up mutually, after 2 years of life, it was a painfully hard breakup, with scandals and almost a fight, it was impossible to live like this anymore. He was rude, he could raise his hand, all the time there was something that didn’t suit me... I felt uncomfortable. But it wasn’t always like this, at first he was different - affectionate, caring, there were many plans and ideas. But as soon as I moved in with him, everything changed. He said that it was all because of me that he became like this - angry, harsh, nervous, that I behaved this way, that’s why everything was like this. I feel guilty about this. Although I understand with my brain that this does not happen, a person cannot change like that, but it still hurts. Now I’m married, they carry me in their arms, my son will be born soon, 1.5 years have passed, and I still can’t forget my ex. Couldn't help. It’s a stupid question, it’s all in my head, but I really need help. Answer: Hello. I am truly glad that you are married. I am sincerely glad that you were able to break off the relationship with your rapist. With this man who morally humiliated and mocked you. He unloaded his inner negativity, his aggression into you. But inside yourself, in your soul, you cannot completely part with it. Because in that painful relationship there is still something important to you. This important thing needs to be returned to yourself - in the inner world. Some part of himself, a piece of his soul - which believed that he would again become affectionate and kind. And you took and bear HIS guilt. Total guilt. Of course, such an attitude is difficult to forget. We need to remove stress from memories. Your body still remembers his attitude towards you. The emotional freedom technique that I use in my work helps me cope with stress. It reduces cortisol in the blood. On your own, you can say to yourself: “Here and now everything is fine with me.” And ask yourself questions: “Why is everything okay with me here and now? Why am I safe? These are afformations that help you re-tune. Let's get back to the guilt you feel. You need to keep in mind that this fault is not yours. That you are good. Please just trust me. It hurts you that he humiliated you. It hurts that you trusted him, and he became a monster in your relationship. You're wrong, this happens. Such unhealthy men at the beginning of a relationship are very seductive, sweet, “too good.” This is similar to how a predator deceives its prey, pretending to be someone else in order to drag the victim into its lair and do whatever it wants with it. And then show your true appearance as a beast. It was also very difficult for you to ask for help, to write me a letter. It’s as if you need to make excuses for something, it’s as if you’re punishing yourself for asking for help.. Asking for help is a quality of a healthy personality. This is absolutely normal. You have the right to do so. You took full responsibility for his attitude towards you. For some reason you believed him. Children believe everything adults tell them. Who is this man for you? I also want to tell you - you are not to blame. You did the right thing by leaving this painful relationship. Now the task is to work with the internal image of this man within yourself. When do you