How to free yourself from unnecessary thoughts, emotions? Time has amazing properties: in childhood, when you so want to grow up and do everything yourself, having won a piece of power from your parents, it stretches like caramel melted in the sun . And it’s impossible to wait for the longed-for adulthood. In youth, the passage of time accelerates - you need to solve many life problems: set your own boundaries (with yourself and with significant and not so significant others), you need to face new knowledge about yourself and develop new ways of assessing the world and yourself, you need to maintain stability when new social demands are put forward and new roles are offered. Now time reminds a car that is still driving along an uneven, bumpy road, but the sign at the beginning of this section of the road is yellow, and therefore temporary, which means that the road ahead is smooth and you can accelerate faster (and waiting for this speed still brings joy)... At the stage of early maturity, it is important not to waste time and create close relationships (provided that the person already has certain knowledge about himself and an integrated image of himself), decide on a professional career and once again check with whom I’m going and where. Metamorphoses occur again with the sense of time: you are already on the autobahn, and performing any maneuvers on the autobahn, such as stopping, parking, turning around, are strictly prohibited by traffic rules. No, it’s not that it’s impossible, but it’s punishable. And then maturity. Thank God, many problems have been solved, a long period has been passed, we have the right to say “alas” to some things and slow down a little, reconsider our knowledge about ourselves, our needs, goals. GPS, which our loved ones tried so hard to create (indicating what we should be how to be with whom and where to be at a certain point in life), no longer works (and if it does work, then we increasingly notice its errors and inconsistencies). The time has come to create our own routes in any direction. While hastily living through all this, we accumulate a huge amount of information: this is not only knowledge about ourselves, about the world, it is also skills, abilities, experience, emotions, sensations. And we also contain unreacted feelings, interrupted dialogues, protracted or frozen conflicts - about all this we want to scream, break into tears, argue, get angry, attack, blame... Afraid of “losing our face,” we become quiet, “sweep everything under the rug,” and, straightening our bangs, with faith in the healing effect of time, we move on... Nobody teaches us how to handle internal information, and we, in our own way, archiving it in hundreds of gigabytes, faithfully store it in our significantly limited space. Depending on the situation, it can accidentally or intentionally (when it is no longer possible to contain these mudflows) unpack on different scales. Sometimes it makes us happy (Finally freed!), sometimes it makes us angry, surprising (“Yes, in the end.. Why is this? What’s wrong with me?”), we feel guilty (“Oh, how bad it turned out”) or they shame us (“How could you? We/I am for you!”), etc. In any case, by giving everything away, or by titanic efforts holding it inside, we lose adequacy, and as a result, we destroy ourselves or relationships, again experiencing certain emotions about this. Maybe it’s all about the places where the archives are stored: I’ll make a “strong cabinet” “, I’ll lock everything not with locks, but with locks everything will be “ok”. Or I archive everything on an electronic medium so that it doesn’t take up RAM and I will be happy.[/url]And the question is not even how to get rid of it or not accumulate it, the question is rather about creating a culture of environmentally friendly attitude towards oneself. For this purpose, the helping professions of psychologist, psychotherapist, etc. are called upon, the purpose of which is to provide assistance in building a kind of channel of self-regulation, in teaching selectivity as opposed to omnivorousness, sensitivity as opposed to alexithymia (inability to differentiate emotions) or anhedonia (inability to feel). The quality of our life depends on the ability to hear, notice ourselves, and recognize our feelings; this is universal,a psychological self-help tool available to everyone. Often my clients come with a feeling of inexplicable anxiety that arises for no apparent reason and creates noticeable discomfort. And so, unraveling the threads of life’s canvas, the intertwining of unfinished conversations, unclear relationships, stopped sobs, farewells, unexpressed and unlived pain becomes visible. The layers of events made it possible to push aside sincere experiences, but they did not disappear, they did not cease to exist. Every time a similar situation happens to us or someone close to us, these experiences awaken again, increasing the background anxiety. And it turns out that some thought lives in us and splits us into the present and the past, and we are not present fully in neither one nor the other. And it’s even more interesting when, alone or in groups, some people “live in us”, talk, argue with us, teach, instruct, and we resist or listen to them in response. We noticed how an external dialogue with a real person turns into an internal one: I didn’t say something in reality, didn’t feel it, didn’t get my bearings, got confused and the external situation turns into an internal one. Emotional chewing begins, sticking to the situation and the emotions associated with it and, as a result, an exhausting war with oneself. How to deal with this? How to clear memory of long-unused programs and temporary files? In my opinion, the most important thing is to pay attention to this at all. Not to pack, but to disassemble what, where and where, and accordingly to whom, how much, in what form and when to issue. After significant inventory work, you can make a choice: leave “it” in the internal archives or abandon this burden. I will describe steps that, in my opinion, will greatly simplify the process of putting things in order. Training in awareness of your presence in every moment of life, being present “here and now.” This will make it much easier to differentiate your own sensations and feelings. Feelings have a good tendency to fade into the background if they came in connection with some event or situation and were lived here and now. It's about timely response. For example, now I’m walking down the street and I notice..., I see..., I feel..., I want..., I feel good..., my sensations in my body... Liberation from unfinished relationships by initiating a dialogue with a relationship partner. Of course, it would be nice to clarify these relationships with a real person, but if attempts were made and were in vain or the person is no longer in our lives, then we can recreate the dialogue with an imaginary person. It is very desirable that this process takes place in the presence of a psychotherapist who can help in constructing a conversation and, based on the client’s emotional reactions, will be able to support and share observations. Bodily introspection, identification of the current psycho-emotional state, analysis of non-verbal, bodily signals of the subconscious (sensory awareness) ( Psychosomatics and bodily therapy" Mark Sadomirsky). We observe reactions in the body, our body reacts precisely to certain stimuli in its own way, it would be good to learn to distinguish and understand these reactions. Self-analysis and reflection (feedback to yourself:) who am I next to another, what do I want, can I ask for that , what do I need, am I free in my manifestations, do I live in harmony with myself and with the world. Honesty (with myself and with others). Everything in our lives changes, relationships change, and we ourselves change. Something important earlier, after time, becomes less relevant and attractive. Any relationship never remains static; like a living organism, it requires investments of energy, time, and feelings. We often lack the courage and honesty to admit our reluctance to invest energy in any relationship. Relationships stretch over time, and it becomes more and more painful for us. What saves us? Well, of course, we remember the good things that happened in the relationship, and... And we cling even more tightly to the handrail of the carriage, passing (perhaps with regret) our station. We habitually run away from the pain that accompanies the process of separation.))).