Where is the fine line between motivation and unconstructive criticism? Sometimes it is very difficult to resist emotional comments addressed to relatives, especially children, when you say the right thing for the hundredth time, ask them to do something for the hundredth time, or, conversely, ask them not to do something. - something that irritates. And then “criticism for good” appears. But why doesn’t such criticism work, but, on the contrary, causes the opposite effect? ​​Well, imagine, new girl Katya, who now works in your department, fulfilled the quarterly plan in a month of work. The leader says to you: “Well, you see, Marfa Petrovna, how it should be?” Look how Katenka can do it. And you? Well, that’s why all the employees are like employees, and you, Marfa Petrovna, are always doing something wrong? There’s devaluation, generalization, comparison, and criticism (constructive, it seems), but after such words motivation does not appear, instead In the absence of inspiration and inspiration, irritation appears, self-esteem drops, and one gives up. Somehow this kind of “constructive criticism” didn’t work. And it definitely doesn’t work with children. Reproaches and comments can lead to the fact that the child will do something the way it should be so as not to upset the mother, but will not feel happiness and joy. If criticism turns into an instrument of moral torture with reproaches, claims, reproaches and indignations, then here it will not be possible to tactfully and gently convey to the child that this is not necessary, but this is how it should be. Start with yourself: try to speak calmly, without shouting or aggression. Any tension causes a defensive reaction and instead of dialogue, you will end up making claims and, therefore, resentment towards each other.📌 do without insults and do not get personal. If emotions are off the charts, then it is better to take a break, calm down and only then start a dialogue with the child. Criticism should be soft and friendly. If you offend and hurt a child, then he only hears complaints from you, and not requests or advice. Criticize the action, not the child. We all make mistakes and it’s very offensive if instead of support we hear phrases like “Your hands “They don’t grow from there,” “Are you blind or something?” Therefore, talk about actions or actions, not about personality. It is important to correct mistakes, and not try not to make them. Talk to your child alone. Any criticism (even super constructive) in the presence of third parties can be taken seriously. If you need to stop a child, make a remark or direct, then it is better to do it without attracting everyone’s attention, tactfully and unnoticed by others. Don’t remember the past. You need to constantly remember all the failures and mistakes, especially if they happened a long time ago and this has already been discussed. Endless remembering of all sins affects self-esteem and mood. If the topic is already closed, then you should not cause a feeling of guilt by constantly reminding about all the “sins and mistakes” of the person. Offer a solution and a way out of the current situation. What is the point of discussing the problem or telling how it should have been if there is no solution, as now fix this? Propose a solution while discussing cause-and-effect relationships. And here it is highly recommended to do without moralizing, because everything has already happened and now we need to correct it, decide and think about how not to repeat it. Offer a solution that will suit everyone.📌 Avoid comparisons. It is useless to cite as an example a neighbor’s daughter, an acquaintance of an acquaintance, or a character in a TV series. This is not only annoying, but also undermines self-esteem, which in the future can lead to the fact that the child grows up anxious and unsure of himself. At work, in the family, in the company of friends, he will always look for confirmation of his value and significance, will always look back at others and try to gain the approval of others. Constructive criticism (if it is truly constructive) will be beneficial, and will also help to gain new experience, choose the right ones decisions and, most importantly, will not alienate your child, who will not be afraid to mess up and admit it. illustration by manka_kasha