“The biggest stupidity is to do the same thing and hope for a different result.” These words of Einstein are perfect for family relationships. We all the time expect that others will change, improve, improve, but every time we ourselves get offended, angry, sad, in general, we react in the same way, without even trying to think that perhaps the behavior of our family and friends is precisely directed in order to evoke such feelings in us - resentment, irritation... A woman says that her husband has not loved her for a long time, but the couple continue to live together because they have a 14-year-old son. They try to provide for their son equally. Until recently, my wife paid a lot of attention to raising her son - she took him to training, helped with homework, supported him with warmth and care, and talked to him heart to heart. But recently, her son began to move away from her, spend more time with his father, go to “cool” gyms with him, and travel abroad. What the spouse cannot afford, since her salary is much lower than her husband’s, and they have a separate budget. The woman is offended and annoyed by her husband for supposedly “buying his son”, with her son for moving away from her, that is, she reacts the same way every time, without bothering to look at this picture from the other side or with different eyes. After all, what happens in the family is truly wonderful. Mom’s participation in raising her son is important until adolescence, and then the father’s influence comes to the fore, and the teenage boy gradually moves away from his mother. This is very good. This is how a teenager develops a masculine outlook on life, he develops common interests with his father, he learns from his father how to act like a man in certain situations, and takes an example from him. And, of course, he can no longer be called a “mama’s boy,” which, unfortunately, is so common in our time. And now all parents are required to do is respect each other, value each other’s contribution to the family, to education, which, we see, is not happening here. Everyone expects that someone else will begin to appreciate him first, but does not wait, hence the resentment and irritation, reproaches and reciprocal depreciation... Why doesn’t a woman see this different, positive picture? Why does she get offended again and again, reproaching her husband and now her son for not appreciating her? Of course, there is a childhood situation when a girl once felt that her parents did not value her, she was offended by them and is still offended, for her this situation becomes traumatic and unresolved. And then, already in her family, she again tries to resolve, to play out this situation, involving her husband and son in the roles of her parents. But nothing changes. Why? Because the woman again and again behaves like a child, as she once did in childhood, expecting that her parents (and now her husband and son) will see that she is offended and change, begin to behave differently. And while she continues to react this way, nothing changes, the resentment only grows. The way out is to look at this situation as an adult, through the eyes of an adult woman... A man complains about his mother-in-law. Every time she comes to their house and starts checking where everything is. But that's not what pisses him off. He is annoyed by the fact that she does not close the doors of cabinets and shelves behind her. And every time he has to follow her and close the doors, put everything in order. If we assume, as in the first case, that it is no coincidence that the mother-in-law behaves this way, or, more precisely, it is no coincidence that our hero is annoyed precisely by the fact that there is “disorder” after the mother-in-law, then, for example, we can say to him like this: “The mother-in-law leaves open lockers specifically so you can close them. At the same time, it gives you the opportunity to show your family that you love order.” (Probably, in childhood this quality of the boy was not appreciated by his parents). And now everyone - the wife, the children, and the mother-in-law see what a neat husband and father they have... All that remains is for the man himself to believe it, change his attitude towards this situation and even (what if!?) say thank you to his mother-in-law... Woman