Imagine what would happen to you if you stopped being afraid? Virginia Satir, a family psychologist and communicator, studied interactions in families and discovered specific ways of communication between partners, behind which were hidden fears of rejection, loss, condemnation and etc. She identified five ways of communication and positions that people choose. Peacemaker - it is important to agree, please, apologize, seek any ways for reconciliation even to the detriment of oneself, seek approval (the main thing is belonging and “peace”). Usually, when there are many such people, one feels one’s own inferiority or a sense of guilt. It seems that you also need to make some concessions. The accuser - it is important to prove that you are right and that the other is wrong. The accuser causes fear. Either submit, or run away, or fight with him. Calculating - correct, never demonstrating his feelings, rationalizing and verbose. It may not be very comfortable to be around him. Either you are not smart enough compared to him, or he is boring. Distracted - he bypasses everything, does not say no yes, no no. A feeling of uncertainty and the absence of this person in reality is created. It may seem funny. The peace-making model awakens a feeling of guilt. The blaming model - a feeling of fear. The calculating model - provokes envy. The distracted model evokes the desire to fool around. Thus, unconsciously, each of them in his own way tries to make CONTACT. If I arouse guilt, you may pity me. If fear, you may submit to me. If envy, you will try to be like me. If I awaken the desire for fun, you will only tolerate me. But in all four ways it does not work feel love. Adhering to the peacemaking model, you refuse self-expression. The accusatory model encourages you to hide the urgent need for a partner. The calculating one hides the need for emotional contact with oneself and others. The distracted one ignores similar needs, and also hides any connection at all with time, space or goals. These are shields that people hide behind in order to they were not offended. They hide their true emotions in their own ways and do not express them directly. They are all afraid. All people who are afraid to express their feelings directly are lonely. PARADOX: I am looking for contact, but I get loneliness. If you remove fears and trust? What will happen to posture, body sensations and behavior? What will a peacemaker do? Prosecutor? Calculating? Distracted? It becomes possible to apologize without ingratiating yourself, to argue back without blaming, to be reasonable without becoming boring and inhumane, to change the topic of conversation without being distracted! All this can allow you to receive great personal satisfaction, reduce inner pain, become closer and not feel lonely. Virginia Satir invites families to organize games in which everyone tries on one position out of four, and then changes to another. After spending 30 minutes in each of the four positions, insights come, feelings rise, and the desire and opportunity to try on the fifth way of communication becomes clear - 🙂Balanced. Try to play, find yourself and find points of exit to harmony💓