How to cope with a brewing conflict in a family is told by family center psychologist Nadezhda Starkova. The first thing you need to understand in a situation of a brewing conflict is that in fact the time has come to start a new stage in the relationship , and conflict is a signal that old methods and patterns of behavior no longer work, it’s time for growth. This means that conflicts should not be feared, they must be resolved! Every conflict is accompanied by feelings, it is important to recognize and acknowledge these feelings. Sometimes feelings can be very strong and angry. Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself that: most often, it is with those whom we love very much that we are most angry. This happens because we react most sharply to the actions and words of those we care about and love. The realization that the feelings you experience belong entirely to you will help in resolving a conflict situation. It is not someone who makes you feel angry or angry, but you react in this way, accordingly, what is happening is not someone’s fault, but the result of your perception and attitude towards what is happening. Just because you experience angry feelings, you do not automatically become “ bad,” your feelings are not under your control. But the reactions to them are ways you can take control of! Your reaction to your feelings is something that is only under your power and control. The smart step is to find the reason. Reflect: what is the main reason for your anger at the people you care about? Child or family? Remember past situations when you felt indignation most clearly. What need of yours was infringed upon? What would you like to do for yourself in this situation? And why couldn’t you? Most often, the reasons lie not in the fact that someone deprives us of the opportunity to satisfy our needs, but we ourselves bring ourselves into a situation where we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to satisfy our needs. The last step is to express your feelings to those to whom they are addressed. This step is the most difficult and may take time. If you feel you are not ready, it is better to wait for a safer moment. And for those who are determined, when you feel that there is a resource to talk to a person - go ahead! In dialogue, try to use “I-messages”. That is, speak on your own behalf, about yourself, about your own feelings and experiences - this is the best option in all respects. By talking about yourself, you cannot offend anyone. Then explain how you would like the situation to turn out. What need of yours was not met? Invite your interlocutor to look for ways to reach an agreement together. Listen to his point of view, his motive and need. Try to find a compromise so that it is good for both. Of course, these steps are not easy. Some people spend years learning to recognize, express, and verbalize their feelings. But those who do nothing get nothing. By expressing and recognizing true feelings, expectations, needs, values, we move towards a solution and their implementation. By keeping silent about them, we accumulate tension, which leads us away from solving problems. There are effective ways to solve different conflict situations; if one person works in one situation, this does not guarantee a successful solution in another situation using the same method, because in another situation it may turn out to be not effective. I suggest you familiarize yourself with all the ways to resolve conflict situations. Such methods can be called keys with which you can open the door towards environmentally friendly and resource-based relationships. Keys to resolving conflicts: In a situation where you are asked for something inappropriate, or they try to shift their blame or responsibility onto you. Or you are clearly very busy with something, and you are asked to provide someone with an urgent service for which you now have neither the time nor the desire.👇Direct refusal. Example: “I will not step over myself and my principles in order to satisfy your desires”; “This is your choice, your decision, and therefore your responsibility,!🤗❤