The modern mother is no longer the same housewife who sits at home with her children and does household chores. “Moms of Our Times” is completely different. They not only need to maintain order in the house and raise children, they want to look good, be interesting, and realize themselves both professionally and creatively. It is important for them to keep up with everything. And this is wonderful! But it often happens that a lot of time and effort is spent on coping with the disobedience of their children, and somehow there is no time for self-realization. The child does not obey and often becomes simply uncontrollable. Parents of the baby are often at a loss and do not know what to do in these cases. The feeling of powerlessness overwhelms you when the baby gets out of control. Irritation and anger become the most common feelings of parents that accompany children's disobedience. When I ask parents about what you do in cases when the baby does not obey you, more often I hear “... we force... we persuade... we shout... we demand... we punish.” All these actions are committed out of despair and powerlessness, as they say, “on emotions” and most often “do not work” at all. Let’s figure out together why children’s disobedience arises, what pushes the child to resist, rebel and throw tantrums. The baby is growing One of the reasons for children's disobedience is the age crisis. This is the period when the child is rebuilt internally and begins to build relationships with people differently. The child is no longer interested in the old ways of interaction, and the new ones have not yet been mastered enough for their use to be natural. This is a period when it is very difficult for a child - he changes, grows and becomes uncontrollable at this time. A crisis can be recognized when negativism becomes a frequent manifestation, and the particle “not” is one of the child’s most favorite words. The crisis period is not eternal, and outbreaks of disobedience usually smooth out after 2-3 months. During this time, you need to be patient and, if possible, sometimes allow the child to behave in his own way. Confronting the baby and constant demands for certain behavior will only increase his negativism and complicate the crisis. Mom, play with me... It happens that the baby does not obey because he lacks parental love, care and attention. A child does not tolerate indifference to himself; it is easier for him to endure punishment and disapproval of his parents than to feel indifference on their part. In other words, if a child lacks parental love, he will compensate for this by disobedience! By constantly distracting you, he seems to be “begging” your attention to himself. This happens because the child feels a lack of parental care, attention, affection. And “negative” attention is much easier to receive than praise. For example, a child helps his mother wipe off the dust. Mom, perceiving this as a child’s game, may not notice this moment or take it for granted, and, most importantly, not praise it. But if a child spills compote on a new carpet, it will not go unnoticed. And then the baby understands how to get attention from his parents. Of course, this is not very pleasant, but still, attention has been received and the goal has been achieved! The method that will help find a way out of this situation is quite simple - you need to spend more time with the children, compensate for the lack of attention and care with praise, interest in the child’s life, joint games, entertaining conversations. I’m in charge here! In those families where the parenting style is too soft and the parents do not make strict demands on the child, you can see the so-called rivalry with parents for power. The child strives to decide for himself how to act and subordinate the behavior of adults. Outwardly, this may look funny, but by engaging in the “game of indulgence,” parents often provoke disobedience. Another option is also possible: parents are worried about their baby and begin to look after him too hard. The child tries to assert himself, to escape from the excessive care of his parents, to prove himself,show that he is a person. This is a reason to turn to yourself and reconsider the way you interact with your child. Ask yourself questions: “Are there too many demands on the child? Any comments? Critics?”, “Do I interfere too often in the baby’s independent affairs?” In this case, you can think about assigning an area of ​​activity for the baby in which he will show independence. It is important not to interfere and provide the opportunity to make independent decisions. Come up with activities for your child in which he can express himself and feel like an adult. Only the main reasons for disobedience are described above. You can also find special cases of the desire to take revenge on a parent for insults caused, and disobedience caused by a deep violation of one’s attitude towards oneself, etc. About us, about parents In order to understand how to act correctly and reduce a child’s protest reactions, you need to be able to quickly and clearly identify the reasons for disobedience . Our emotions come to our aid with this. Yes, yes, don’t be surprised, exactly what we feel in a given situation will help us accurately understand the reason for the child’s disobedience. Indeed, when mom or dad see what their child is doing, they are unlikely to be able to remain calm. Emotions boil and seethe. Moreover, the emotions are different! Let's figure out together what our emotions are and what reasons for disobedience they tell us. Express diagnosis of children's disobedience So, let's start with one of the most common emotions in response to children's pranks - irritation. Most often this happens in situations when you are busy with something and would not like to be distracted. For example, you cook, clean the house, or perform important and responsible work. And then you hear “mom...help me...mom...I can’t do it...mom...look...mom...let’s play together...mom...mom...mom...”. Is it really unpleasant to hear this? Some mothers I know say that this can go on all day, the child is completely unable to occupy himself on his own. Now let’s look deeper and see what’s happening to the child. So, if you are irritated, then with a high degree of probability, the child lacks the attention of his parents and their care. He wants more parental involvement, playing together, or just pleasant words of approval. Not receiving this, the baby begins to simply “beg” for attention. Another common emotion of parents for disobedience is anger, when something seems to be boiling inside. You are outraged and simply “pissed off” by what is happening. In this case, the most likely reason for disobedience is rivalry with the parent. The kid strives to establish his own rules. This means that he questions the authority of his parents. This is the very case when strengthening the power and status of adults in the family is justified. It is important and necessary to set rules and ensure that they are followed. It happens that we are offended by the child when he has done something. There is a feeling inside that the child did it on purpose. In this case, the reason for disobedience may well be the desire for revenge. It does not arise out of nowhere, but from the experience of one’s own resentment. It would be nice to look for a child’s resentment and talk with the child about the situation when he was offended by you. Most likely, this is a recent situation, because... children rarely remember long-standing grievances (this also happens and reflects his personal characteristics). And the last thing I wanted to mention is difficult parental feelings - hopelessness and despair. In this case, the child becomes uncontrollable and disobedience takes extreme forms. Parents often simply “give up” from the inability to somehow influence the child. What happens to the child? This happens to those children who have accumulated a lot of experience of failures, criticism, comments and insults addressed to them. In upbringing there was pressure and a desire to rigidly subjugate the child’s behavior. As a result, the child becomes unsure of himself (uncertainty is often hidden behind aggressiveness), with low self-esteem and loss of faith in his success. He accepts as fact the words of his parents that he