From the author: This is a real story of revival! Experiences during a long journey in psychotherapy, which ended with the existential experience of birth... Finding yourself! The story of one revival... Or an essay on the topic: “My path in psychotherapy...” This is a real story of revival! Experiences during a long journey in psychotherapy, which ended with the existential experience of birth... - Well, hello, STAR! - Hello... - How long have I wanted to meet you... - Why? - It seems to me that we have something to tell each other... I stood and looked at my open palms, from which a little star was looking at me in surprise. I've never seen a real star before, like one in the sky. After all, they live so high that they cannot be seen. As a child, I often drew the starry sky, and all my stars were yellow, almost identical in size, in the shape of the well-known five-pointed star. This one wasn't like any of them... I don't know why I called her a star, maybe because I knew some of her history. But, she really looked like a star. Small, glowing, and instead of five-pointed protrusions, it had many bright flexible rays of different sizes, they reminded me of flowing hair, tender and affectionate, developing in the wind. There was a lot of freedom and lightness in this spectacle. But when I looked at her, everything inside me sank. There was an air of sadness about her, and what was especially striking was that she smiled, as if everything that happened to her didn’t matter... - You know, Star, I’ve been watching you for many, many years, and only now I’ve made up my mind with you...( I I tried for a long time to find the word, to get acquainted - yes, we have known each other for many years... to make friends, no, our relationship is not friendship, it is something much more... it seems that I have been planning to meet her for a long time and finally talk) - I decided to talk to you “Meet and chat,” I finished. “You’re strange,” said the star, “what were you waiting for?” I smiled to myself and thought how much I miss her lightness and courage and admitted out loud: “I was afraid...” Hmm, what? - my interlocutor was surprised - That after meeting you my life could change a lot... She looked at me for a long time, thoughtfully, and I looked at her. There was a feeling that our views were merging. For a moment it seemed to me that her rays were becoming longer and began to reach out to meet me, and in another moment, and our bodies would become one, that she would grow into me, and I would never be able to talk to her, ask all the questions, understand ... I got scared and said loudly: “Star”! She continued to sit in my palms and look at me in surprise, as if she was waiting for all my questions from me. I smiled at her, and she smiled back at me. And then it became so warm and easy. Inside myself, I realized that right now I was gaining something incredibly valuable for myself, and it seems, for her... For us... I really wanted to go on a long journey with my companion, which I had been planning for so long. I didn't know what question to start with. I sat for a long time and looked into the distance, the star was circling around me like a soap bubble. It shimmered in the rays of the sun and blinded me a little. I thought how strange it was that it was daytime, and she was here... After all, the star sanctuaries can only be seen at night. - Tell me about yourself? - I began. She chirped non-stop, told me how she loved to fly over cities and look at people. Loves to fly over forests, gardens, and circle over mountain tops. I began to clearly imagine this, as if I was now traveling with her. It took my breath away. It was a wonderful feeling of flight: lightness, weightlessness, this state reminded me of complete happiness. I then thought that this feeling was very familiar to me, but where from? So, with the help of Zvezdochka, I made a fascinating journey over the world. Then the asterisk told me how at night she plays with other stars, she called them sisters and brothers. - Who are your parents? - My sisters and brothers don’t have parents, they wereonce upon a time, but abandoned their children when they were not even born, so they live in the sky like stars. They shine from heaven to earth and make people happy. And they are very sad that they never met the eyes of mom and dad even once. They are sad that they cannot travel the world, cannot go down to earth and find friends, well, that’s how I am with you. - How are you different from them, why can you? - Because I managed to be born to my parents. - Why didn’t you stay with your parents then? Why do you travel back and forth, then to earth – then to heaven? - Because physically I appeared, I was born... I was born a girl... But I don’t have the right to live as myself... I am part of this girl who was born... And I’m really looking forward to when she will find me and take me with her. And we will finally become one. Because I'm lonely without her, and she's hurt without me. Because until we are reunited, neither her nor I are there. And so I’m flying in the hope of meeting her, I’m waiting for her to call me. - So she is you? - Yes... - And this girl lives with her parents? - Yes... - How can she find out about you? - Then, when she understands that the most important thing in life has already happened to her, she is born. When will she understand that her life is only for her... Then I no longer heard Zvezdochka’s words. My vision darkened, I felt terribly painful and offended! I felt hot tears flowing down my cheeks, everything inside was torn into small fragments, my body burned and hurt. I remembered my story. It was told to me many times in childhood and adolescence. A story that was just as painful and unbearable. From my mother’s lips, this story always sounded like a “bedtime story” with a happy ending. Where the main character, a little girl, whose existence was discovered late, and they did not want her to be born, was born by chance. And when she was destined to meet her mother, she had to face the disappointment that she was not a boy. But the girl was loved and sheltered in this family. She became dear and loved. They cared about her a lot and took great care of her. And she lived most of her life with the idea that goodness would always have to be paid for. Do as her mother wants, be very obedient and smart, meet all expectations. And for this she received life. I lived for many years with the feeling that I was not living my own life. It was as if some part of me had been torn off, and in that place the wound could not heal. And since as a girl I was obedient and did not bother my mother over little things, did not frighten her with my weaknesses, because in her perception I was very strong and brave and never cried. Out of shame and guilt, I hid the pools of blood from my abrasion and did not say anything to anyone. And even for a while I believed that this was not the case. And only from time to time the aching pain reminded me that I was alive! Years passed, and I kept trying to find myself, for a long time not realizing that now, as an adult, I was responsible for my life myself. I was angry, disappointed in my parents, rejected them, it seemed to me that I was born into the wrong family. And I decided to go in search of myself, that lost part for which it turns out I had been crying in my soul for many years. I went for my small, touching and very lively part. For ease, for my desires, for the feeling of pleasure and happiness that I exist! I went after my little Star, who, in the hope of finding me, had already flown around the whole world. The path I followed was not very easy, I would even say, difficult at times. I was scared, it hurt, I wanted to run back, my heart was sometimes beating so loudly and strongly inside that I couldn’t hear anything around me. But the more I became convinced that I was going towards myself, and not away from myself, and that I was gaining along the way what I had been scattering and losing all my life, I wanted to go further and further along my path. Feelings of fear and horror were replaced by interest and excitement, pain by sadness, and then relief, and my heart was pounding with excitement that very soon I would find what I had been looking for for so long! And I found it, I found my little, dear and very valuable»!